Page 129 of Let’s Be Real

You love me for real. That’s how I’m sure he never did.

I’ve spent my dating life being the version of myself men wanted me to be. That’s why none of my relationships lasted long. Either I got sick of pretending, or they realized I wasn’t who they thought I was.

With you, I couldn’t pretend even if I wanted to. You’ve known me most of my life, and you’re still here.

I’m still scared, but a lot less so when I think about how you love me—the real me, not some prettied-up version I think you’ll like.

I love the real you too, Nate.

Let’s always be real with each other.

The good, bad, ugly, let’s love all of it. Let’s know each other to the very core. Can we do that, love? Can we be real?

Love you so much,

Sammie

Like he’d been waiting at his computer for my email, his response came within minutes.

Sammie,

Yes, sweet girl. Yes to all of it.

You’re never going to be alone. I’ll remind you as often as you need it.

I love the real you. I want you to love the real me.

Let’s be real.

Always.

Love you,

Nate

Chapter Forty-four

Nate

After five weeks of residential treatment, the plan was to spend a week at home reacclimating before I got back to work and life. It was a good plan. It made sense. I’d been gone a long time. Easing back in was smarter than jumping into the deep end.

Samantha was in California, overseeing the construction of her and Adrian’s new club. It wasn’t a surprise not to find her waiting for me. All part of the plan.

I lasted one night alone in my condo.

She’d been staying here most nights, and before she’d left for California, she must have cleaned it from top to bottom. When I buried my face in her pillow, searching for her scent, I found nothing but fresh laundry.

One thing I’d learned in therapy was to be flexible with what worked for me. Just because I thought I was making the right decision at one time didn’t mean I had to stick with it when I discovered it wasn’t going the way I needed it to.

Another week without Samantha was the last thing I wanted.

We’d spoken through short calls and long, soul-baring emails, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person and holding her in my arms.

Me: I think I need to go to California.

Ben: you guys owe me 50 bucks.

Roman: No way. He lasted a whole night. You said he wouldn’t make it through the day.