Page 128 of Let’s Be Real

I laughed, looking up from my screen. “Who says ‘sourpuss’?”

“People who want you to laugh.” He rolled his wrist impatiently. “Spill it, Samuel.”

I rolled my eyes. “Not everything is your business, Andrea.”

He folded his arms and gave me an imperious look. “You’re my business as long as Nate’s away. Lay it on me.”

“I’m working. Go away.”

“You’re wasting time arguing with me. You know I’m going to get my way eventually. You might as well give in now.”

With a sigh, I leaned back in my chair. “I was contemplating how to reply to Nate’s last email. I told him about Kelly and—”

“Oh, does he want to throw a party? If so, I’ll supply the confetti.”

I glared at him. “Do you want me to tell you what’s wrong or be obnoxious?”

He cocked his head to the side. “I choose both.”

“I choose for you to take a long walk off a short pier.”

“That’s not nice, Samuel. I don’t think your boyfriend would appreciate you bullying his baby brother.”

“Don’t be a tattletale.” Adrian was annoying, but damn if he didn’t make me giggle. “Since you’re so curious, I was contemplating how much I should tell Nate. He wants me to tell him how I’m feeling, and I don’t know…”

“Hmmm.” He perched on the edge of my desk, scratching his chin. “Does that mean you don’t trust him?”

I opened my mouth. Closed it. That wasn’t what I’d been expecting.

“I trust him.”

“It would make sense if you didn’t. He basically lied to all of us.” Before I could say anything, he held up a hand. “I’m not saying it’s his fault, but he did; that’s a fact. It’s up to you to decide whether to trust him now.”

“Do you trust him?” I asked.

He lifted a shoulder. “I think so. What’s the alternative? Constantly watching him? Counting his daily smiles? That’s no way to live. Not for either of us.”

After he left me to my own devices, I decided he was right. What kind of relationship could Nate and I have if we couldn’t be honest with each other?

If he told me he wanted me to unload on him, I had to believe him.

Hi, Nate,

I’m scared, okay?

Really scared.

I know I’m not alone. Rationally, I know that. But I feel it anyway. We both know feelings aren’t always the most rational.

The craziest part is, functionally, nothing has changed. Kelly’s gone, but she was barely around before the whole Josh fiasco. I don’t even know if my mom or dad are aware I’ve written them all off. It hurts more than it should to know they’ll just go on with their lives like normal while I feel like a flag flapping in the wind.

I’m not even sure if this is a new feeling. I think I’ve always felt this way.

At least now, I know they can never make it worse. They can’t leave me anymore. This time, I left first.

Don’t tell Adrian I said this, because he’ll be super smug, but he was right about something he said a while ago. He told me I choose men who have as little regard for me as my father, and if I ever let myself be loved for real, I’d have to admit he never did.

Here’s me admitting it.