Page 95 of We Drank the Dawn

Abruptly he stood. “I can’t do anything without a cigarette.”

With that, he disappeared into the tent then came back, rolling a lighter as he did. The flicking sound gave way to a soft puff and soon, the scent of tobacco lingered in the air. Fully focused on his smoke, he took long, shaking inhales and seemed to forget I was there. I debated on whether to leave him be or sit with him, but as my indecision pushed from seconds to minutes, I felt it would be more awkward to leave than to stay.

So I stayed. I was wide awake anyway.

I leaned back against the table and crossed my arms over my chest. Instinctively, I tried to roll the tension out of my neck and grunted when my muscles snapped tight.

Cooper whispered, “I didn’t even ask. Is your neck okay?”

I touched it. “It hurts a little.”

“I’m gonna turn on my phone light,” he said. A second later, he pushed closer. “Look up.”

I tipped my chin back.

He exhaled with relief. “Nothing yet. I guess we’ll see.”

“Has anything like that ever happened in the bunkhouse?”

“No. Harlan said he’s heard me talking and moving a few times. But, I haven’t walked around or done anything in my sleep. I—use a sound machine. That helps, I think. ”

I nodded, remembering the white noise muddying the silence of the bunkhouse. “How long have you been having them?”

He hissed his breath through his teeth. “As long as I can remember. They started when I was in elementary school. I’m a bit of an insomniac. The fact I fell asleep at all is a miracle. Usually, I stare at the ceiling most of the night.”

“Same. It’s frustrating isn’t it?”

“Very.” He grunted. “I want to take sleeping pills, but I can’t ‘cause I’ll get addicted.”

“I don’t take sleeping pills either because of my other medications.”

“When you can’t sleep, what do you do then?”

I gave a humorless laugh. “Stare at the ceiling and fight a panic attack.”

That made Cooper laugh a little. “That’s honest.”

“There’s no reason to sugar coat it.”

“Sometimes I do push ups if my adrenaline starts going. Other times, I read.”

“You’re a reader?”

He clicked his tongue. “Yep. Hollie got me started.”

“That’s cool. She’s loved to read her entire life. She mentioned the two of you are good friends.”

“We are. I’ve never had a friend like her. She’s the best.”

“Why? What is it about her?”

“She just…” Cooper floundered for a few seconds. “She’s always made me feel like I was worth getting to know. My entire life I’ve been”—he paused, searching for the word—“silenced, I guess. So her listening ear has meant a lot to me. At first we’d just talk about birds and stuff, but she practically knows my life’s story now.”

“Birds?”

He gave a soft laugh. “I like taking pictures of them.”

“Really?” I could not picture Cooper bird watching. “I thought that was an old man hobby.”