Page 20 of Of Shadows and Blood

“Is that the truth?” I ask timidly.

“Do you want it to be?”

“That’s not much of an answer. You feel for me?”

“More than I’d care to admit, Liv.”

My heart sinks deep into my core. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like this other than when I read the words on the pages of my book. The thought of two lovers crosses my mind. It could be like that, Sawyer and me. We could have that. My heart skips a beat at the thought.

“How long…” I pause, careful. “How long have you felt like this?”

“Since the day we met,” he admits, his voice coarse. Our eye contact ceases and I pull a hand away to draw small circles on his thigh. He turns to face me, leaning forward and head hanging. “This is hard, Liv. Being here is hard.”

His words aren’t making sense and I try to meet his eyes. I can feel his thudding pulse under his hand that I realized I captured during the rambling. “I just – I just wanted you to know.”

“Sawyer,” I start, but he stands up quickly, turning from me as if he cannot stand my anticipated reply. His tallness barely allows for it under the low roof.

“It won’t change anything,” he exhales. “I know what you’re going to say.”

I stand to meet him. “Well, I don’t know what to say.” I gesture with my hands even though he is not looking. “Here, the farm, it’s not the most stable place and I’m not sure what my future holds. Do you think we’re meant for just the village, the farm? A relationship changes things.” I lose my train of thought at the idea of us seriously together.

“But…” I stand up and reach for him. “But, I know your words are not spoken lightly. I just do not know what to say right now. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing, because I know and have always known, in some way, that you’re mine,” I finish, catching my breath. He hasn’t turned to me yet and I shyly dip my head, embarrassed.

“Liv.”

“Sawyer.”

He turns to look at me with glazed eyes. “You need more time and I feel like we don’t have enough of it.”

“All we have is time, Sawyer. We know each other, have known each other. Making things official…”

“Changes everything, yes I understand.” He scratches his jaw. “Forget this.”

He turns to leave but I grab for his wrist and squeeze. “There is no rush. I’m not going anywhere any time soon, are you?”

He releases a soft laugh and shakes his head. “Not if I can help it. I’ll wait for you, if you want,” he whispers, eyes silver-lined and my heart flutters.

“In what way?”

“Any way that matters. I want this. Now, in two months, even a year, no – a millennia,” he breathes. The pale admission causes me to stop breathing momentarily, a stunning moment. He again grabs my hands and looks wilfully into my eyes. The soft lines near his cornflower eyes crinkle in hope.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” I say again, looking into his eyes to let him see my own admission. The blue in them seems to become vibrant. Those softened crinkles near his eyes become harsh lines as he scoops me up and plants desperate kisses along the front of my neck.

He will wait.

Something within me feels like a vice, a lock on giving in to this fully. I have to figure that out before I fall.

Chapter 7

The observances within this space, this void, are muffled. Masses like these are large, shifting, unwavering, like monsters from beneath. Yet, so many things are clear to observe should one find the right opportunity.

Squeezing through the windowpane was easier than I anticipated. At the bottom of the collage wall a large, crate-sized window with rusted hinges opened right into the cool night of Lux.

My feet sink in the muddy spots of the hill in front of the cottage. I fight a grimace at the feel of it between my toes. I should have picked boots up on my way out but I’m barely thinking past survival right now.