Page 83 of A Christmas Wish for the Village Midwife

Zoe pulled sharply away. ‘What? How? You don’t have the money!’

‘I know, but I wanted it for Billie. I thought… I thought maybe she could live in it with Louisa, or maybe she could start her own business renting it out… I don’t know. I just thought it would make her life better. I was going to surprise her on Christmas Day.’

‘Surprise her how? You haven’t bought it yet… oh God, Alex, tell me you haven’t actually taken out a mortgage on it!’

‘Well… it hasn’t gone through yet, but I thought I could still tell her about it because it’s only a matter of paperwork, which would be done in the new year.’

Zoe went to sit down. Her head was swimming. Hilltop didn’t belong to her, and Alex could do what he wanted with it, but she had to presume that he was using it as collateral for the mortgage on Kestrel Cottage, and if that backfired and he somehow lost them both, that would certainly affect her. She tried not to be angry, especially as she’d promised not to, but she couldn’t help the resentment building in her that he hadn’t even thought to consult her before he’d made such a huge decision. She was angry at herself too, for not seeing this on the cards. She’d feared such an idea when she’d told him about Victor and Corrine wondering what to do with the house she’d once lived in, but when Alex had seemingly forgotten all about it, so had she. She was beginning to wonder if she ought to buy him some books about managing money, rather than the ones about conservation she’d got for his Christmas box.

‘I knew you’d be angry,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry, I should have talked to you about it.’

‘It’s none of my business.’

‘You don’t really think that.’

‘I’m hurt that you didn’t discuss it with me, but I don’t have any financial claim on what’s yours, so I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t do with your money. I just hope you know what you’re doing.’

He nodded slowly. ‘Now that we’ve heard what Billie really feels about life here, I can’t help but feel I’ve cocked up in a big way. Do you think it would make any difference to her, to know she could have Kestrel Cottage?’

Zoe looked up at him. ‘Honestly? I suspect she’d be even angrier than she is right now. You’ve got to stop assuming you know what she wants. Billie will decide what she wants, and if she needs your help, she’ll say so. How far along is the sale?’

‘Well, I’ve only told Victor I’m interested and applied for the mortgage. Should I put the brakes on?’

Zoe gave a helpless shrug. ‘At this point, I don’t know what to think. Maybe she would see it as an opportunity. Maybe I’m wrong about how she’d react. My biggest worry is where you’re going to find the payments. And Billie isn’t daft – she knows your financial situation, and she’ll be thinking the same thing. She wouldn’t want you to struggle on her behalf, and she would actually want to feel she’d earned whatever future she builds for herself.’

Zoe’s thoughts went to Fern and the way Billie had reacted when she’d learned about her plans to train as a midwife. Even when she’d heard Maisie had got a job. She’d been dismissive, but that had so obviously been a defence because perhaps, deep down, knowing that they were at least trying to make something of their lives was somehow making Billie feel inadequate. Zoe understood it because she would have felt the same.

‘I’ve also bought her an adult colouring book,’ Alex said into the silence. ’It’s Monet themed.’

Zoe stared at him for a second and then burst out laughing. ‘What am I going to do with you?’

‘You wouldn’t be the first person to ask that. And I don’t know. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?’

‘No, you’re a dad, doing his best. I’m sure she’ll love the colouring book.’

‘More than the house?’

‘I wouldn’t like to put money on that, but I’m sure she’d feel a whole lot less guilty about accepting it as a gift.’ Zoe stood to wrap her arms around him. ‘Let’s just concentrate on making Christmas as nice as we can and worry about all the other stuff after it’s over.’

‘You’re right. I’ll talk to her in the morning and tell her that’s what we’d like to do, and that afterwards we’ll talk seriously about her moving out to live with Luis’s parents if that’s what she really wants.’

Zoe recognised the pain it was causing him to utter such a promise, and it only made her want to hold him tight enough to chase it away. Maybe she couldn’t do that, no matter how tight she held on, but she could tell him that she loved him and that she was proud of him. And so, in the mellow lamplight of the silent kitchen, she offered a kiss with all those words wrapped in it.

17

Alex made breakfast, the radio playing Christmas songs in the background. He whistled along as if nothing had happened. Zoe was at the table wrapping some last-minute gifts to take over to Daffodil Farm. Billie and Louisa had yet to emerge from her room. It was gone ten, and Zoe was sure they must be awake, but she’d decided not to knock to see if they wanted breakfast, just in case Louisa’s disturbed sleep routine had kept them in bed later than usual after all.

Outside the window, the skies were white cotton, heavy with fluttering snow that had yet to fall. Last Christmas they’d had days and days of it. This Christmas there had been none in the forecast, apart from the odd flurry, and the odds at the bookmakers for a white Christmas had been practically zero. Looking at the window now, condensation gathering at the edges of the frames as the kitchen filled with the smell of bacon, Zoe wondered if they might just get a surprise. It was only Christmas Eve, though, and perhaps it would all fall today and be gone by tomorrow.

Alex cracked two eggs into the frying pan. ‘How many do you want?’

Zoe looked up from her musings. ‘How many what?’

‘Eggs. How many eggs do you want?’

‘One is fine.’

Alex nodded and then cracked two more into the pan. When Zoe aimed a frown his way, he fired back a cheeky smile. ‘Come on – it’s Christmas Eve and you’re off work. You want a decent breakfast today – you don’t get much time normally.’