Page 49 of Broken

“Milord, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Go away, Dithers.”

Filled with churning restlessness, Giles walked to the window and stood staring out at the beautiful grounds. But he did not see them. His friendship with Lilly couldn’t be over. He—

Giles clutched at his chest. The thought of leaving Lilly did not make him happy. He paced across the room, struggling to know what to do about her. He wanted her to forgive him. He wanted her to like him as he was, but he didn’t think it likely anymore.

Upstairs was a pure-as-snow virgin. She had seen him with multiple partners. He did not blame her for hiding away from him. He had believed she might have been falling in love with him before today’s questions, but the shock of their frank talk would no doubt kill any tender feelings she might have for him. He thumped the chair as he passed it.

He would not push to see Lilly tonight, and Giles was already on edge at the thought of spending the night alone. He wanted to be with Lilly so badly he couldn’t be still.

* * *

The house was quiet, the night as black as pitch, but Lilly couldn’t sleep for missing Giles. It was sometime after three in the morning. The big clock downstairs had chimed the hour a short while ago, keeping vigil with her swirling thoughts.

She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to think. Lilly also didn’t know whether to believe Giles about Lord and Lady Cameron.

Rolling over for the hundredth time, Lilly thumped the pillow, hoping to entice it to send her to sleep. The thumping didn’t help.

Nothing seemed to when she had a problem she couldn’t find an answer to.

In the darkness of her room, Lilly thought of Giles. His care, his affection, and the precious gift of his conversation. He gained nothing by lying to her. In fact, he should be deliriously happy that Lilly had turned away from him voluntarily. Yet earlier, Mrs. Osprey had confided that he hadn’t eaten any dinner and was drinking steadily.

Mrs. Osprey, it seemed, had a fanciful idea that Giles was courting her. She’d claimed that they were intended for each other and a rosy future of love, and largely hinted at children rushing about Cottingstone was soon to follow.

The housekeeper was wrong about that. Giles didn’t want anything beyond the thrill of pleasure. He certainly didn’t want a wife or children in his future.

All that remained was the possibility of taking a place as his temporary bed partner. Yet despite Lilly’s desire for Giles, it didn’t mean she should surrender to these intense feelings. It didn’t help her accept a place among the hundreds of women who’d come before.

All of those lovers had names, some of which she knew. That thought made her insides burn with jealousy and fear. There was no way that Lilly could measure up to the scores of experienced women in Giles’ past. She simply wouldn’t rank.

Lilly sat up and her movements disturbed Atticus. The wolfhound had borne with her agitation all night, but now slunk from the bed and headed to the closed door. Muttering an apology, she cracked the door for him and he hurried off into the dark house.

Lilly went too, creeping along the hall until she found Giles’ door. It wasn’t locked and it opened quietly so she could slip inside.

She needn’t have bothered being quiet. Giles was snoring in his clothes, spread sideways on his bed, and the sickly scent of brandy assaulted her when she got close.

She gagged and took a step back. Mrs. Osprey hadn’t lied about the drinking.

Giles rolled, arm reaching out toward her in sleep. Her insides clenched tight. She wanted him—even in this state.

Shaking her head, Lilly retraced her steps and returned to the privacy of her room. Giles did desire her and he’d kissed her.

Did that mean she held a special place in his heart?

There was only one way to find out—if she was brave enough to take a risk to ask for what she really needed from him.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

How long had it been since Lilly had tried to sneak anywhere undetected? If she wasn’t so nervous, so fraught with doubt about taking this step, she might have tried to figure it out. But she was inches away from Giles’ study door.

He was in there—she knew it. She could hear him speaking, clipped orders in a tone unlike any she’d heard before. He practically snarled about the absence of his brandy decanter.

The butler rushed from the room, startling Lilly so badly by his fast approach that she jumped back a step. Dithers captured her arm and held her upright. “My apologies, Miss Winter,” he whispered, casting a harried look to the room behind.

“I’m quite all right, Dithers.”

He smiled and released her, hovering close a moment as if thinking she might faint yet. “I am so very pleased to hear it.” He glanced at the study door, pursed his lips, and then turned back to Lilly. “May I ask an impertinent question? I, on behalf of the household staff, would be interested to know if you might be dining with the master this evening. Purely in the interests of providing efficient service, of course.”