Page 48 of Broken

Lady Cameron had wanted more from him than just that brief affair, but guilt had already settled into his heart. Especially when he remembered Lord Cameron’s bewildered requests to see his wife after his incarceration.

Glancing at Lilly, he watched her tears fall unchecked and Giles knew he had seriously disappointed her. The past was beyond his power to correct, but what surprised him most was that he thought his heart was breaking too.

This was who he was. By his own choice, he had pursued every imaginable pleasure, dipped his wick wherever he could fit it. Yet right now, he wished it all undone just so Lilly would smile again. The greatest shock was that Lilly had a claim on his own happiness.

“How did I not know you were there?” Giles whispered, as if speaking low would banish the event.

“I didn’t want you to see me.”

Giles’ gut fell out through his boots. Lilly had never hidden from him before. She had always trusted him. “Lilly, there are a great number of things in life that you do not need to understand, and a great number of things that you should not have seen. That was definitely one of them.”

Her brow crinkled and he reached out a hand to smooth her skin, but she jerked away from his touch. Giles dropped his hand as she took a step away. His heart faltered in its beating and he feared it might stop.

“Are you ever going to allow yourself the comfort of a permanent companion?”

It was surprising how quickly a conversation turned from temporary bed partners to the future, but it was not an unnatural leap. Women tended to expect the fairy tale, lasting love, and Lilly was no different from the others. He hadn’t desired to marry any of those women, widow or courtesan. Not one had appealed beyond the moment pleasure ended. “I hadn’t planned to marry, no.”

Lilly nodded sharply and her body sagged. Giles caught her and held her still while she trembled. “Let me take you back to the house.”

“Not yet.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“No. I am sure you have many other things to do today. It is fine.”

There it was. The word fine should be erased from the English language. Whenever a woman said that word, it was never true. Lilly had shut him out and she was well within her rights to do so.

His reputation was based on fact. She knew from firsthand experience too many of those facts. Every detail that might upset a gently bred young woman paraded before her innocent eyes.

Dismissed, Giles stalked back to the house in a foul mood. She wouldn’t look at him again. He did not like being shut out. He did not like it one damn bit.

“Milord, shouldn’t you have stayed with Miss Winter?” his annoying butler asked as soon as he crossed the threshold of the house.

“I do not stay where I am unwanted, Dithers. Mind your own affairs,” Giles growled, and had the satisfaction of seeing his butler take a step back.

“May I ask Mrs. Osprey to attend her?” the older man asked cautiously.

Giles looked back out the doorway as Lilly dropped her head to her arms. Damn. “Send Mrs. Osprey out,” he ordered and strode into his study.

Slamming the door brought no satisfaction. He threw himself into an armchair to consider his problem. He grew bored with a sexual partner far too easily. That was why he had bedded so many. Each affair started with the promise of more, but there was always something lacking.

Perhaps he should stick to what he did best. Driving a woman wild with pleasure was his greatest achievement. Friendship with Lillian Winter was driving him insane.

These last few weeks at Cottingstone were the longest interval without the relief of an experienced bed partner. Yet Lilly, sweet, innocent Lilly, kept him hard all day.

It had only occurred to him once to leave and get some attention for his problem, yet since her overindulgence of alcohol, he couldn’t bear the thought of it. Only she could sate him, but that wasn’t going to happen. He would need something to distract him when they parted company again, perhaps an orgy of sex to cleanse away these disturbing feelings of possessiveness.

“Excuse me, milord,” Dithers interrupted from the doorway.

Giles turned his head. “What is it?”

Dithers danced in the doorway. “I thought you would like to know that Miss Winter has returned to her room.”

“Thank you, Dithers.” He turned away to stare at the smiling portrait of his mother. If ever there was a woman who could forgive him his sins, then the late Lady Daventry might be the only one.

“There is another matter you should be aware of, milord. Miss Winter has requested to dine in her chambers this evening. Alone,” the butler added apologetically. “I am told she intends an early night.” Dithers approached his desk and placed a pile of correspondence on the corner.

“Of course. I will eat in here. Send me a fresh bottle of brandy with the meal.” Giles slumped and planned for his return to London. He was not looking forward to the trip.