Page 89 of Fundamentals of Chemistry

“The sex is incredible,” I started, and he huffed a laugh as he looked down at his feet. “But you know that. That’s how it started for me, but now, I really like you too. The time we spend together is when I’m… happiest.”

My stomach bubbled like it was full of vinegar and baking soda. Like was a small, weak word for how I felt about Jack. What I should have said was that I was crazy about him, inside and out. That I felt alive when I was with him, and I wanted to be with him as much as possible. That I loved the stolen moments in storage closets and empty classrooms because this much unbridled happiness was just as much a fantasy for me as I had been for him.

But I couldn’t say all that. Leaving my heart at his feet four weeks before we ended things wasn’t going to improve my situation. If anything, I would probably just scare him away and be alone that much sooner. As it was, I already knew ending things would hurt. There was no need to make it even harder on myself.

He placed a hand on my cheek and tilted my face up to his before brushing his lips lightly across mine. “You make me happy too.”

It was technically something, but it didn’t fill the fissure in my chest. I kissed him again, more firmly, trying to fill the tear another way.

“Let’s go inside,” I whispered.

He pressed his lips to mine again and banded an arm around my waist, pulling me into him until my feet raised off the ground. I wound my arms around his neck and let myself be lifted.

Maybe this is enough, I thought as he carried me into the building.

Chapter 27

Thanksgiving

Aweek later, I sat curled up on an armchair in Silvia and Tim’s Upper East Side apartment, wrapped in a Barbie-pink, faux fur blanket. Rather than remain on campus alone or, God forbid, stay with my parents. I was crashing on an air mattress in my old bedroom—Tim’s new office. Silvia and Tim sat on the sofa across from me, sipping mugs of hot cocoa spiked with Baileys.

“So, he just turned his cheek? Just like that?”

“Just like that,” I confirmed and took a long drink from my own mug. Despite the fact that we had already discussed my situation-ship with Jack several times, the topic had resurfaced during the second round of Irish cream.

“And he hasn’t talked to you since?”

“Nope,” I said, popping the p. “Not even a text. He’s been straight ghosting me since Friday.”

It was currently the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Every day that passed without a text or call had my anxiety ratcheting up another notch. No matter how many times I thought about it, I just couldn’t understand Jack’s drastic change in behavior. No theory made sense.

Silvia’s brow furrowed as she glanced over to Tim, having some kind of unspoken conversation.

Turning back to me, she asked, “And you’re sure nothing happened? Take us through it again.”

“From the beginning,” Tim added with an encouraging nod.

I sighed heavily, feeling the mental exhaustion from the roots of my hair down into my bones. But I sat up a little straighter, adjusting the blanket over my lap.

“I stayed over at his place Thursday night,” I began, “which was totally normal for us. We stayed up pretty late since it was our last night before break, you know. So, then we slept in too, and we didn’t do our usual run together.”

“That sounds fine,” Silvia said. “He couldn’t have been mad about the run.”

I shook my head. “I doubt it. He still went out for his run while I went to get ready for class. And then he brought me coffee after first period, like he’s been doing. The morning was totally normal.”

“So, then when did you notice something was off?”

I scrunched up my face and pressed my fingertips to my temple as if doing so would dislodge the answer through sheer force of will.

“The trip to the train station was super weird. Alan picked us up from Brookside. He dropped me off, and then he and Jack carpooled upstate.”

“Were they both weird, or just Jack?”

“Just Jack. He barely said two words to me. And then there was the goodbye… Alan gave me a nice hug, but Jack—I’ve gotten more passionate farewells from my dentist.”

Silvia hummed. “I don’t know, babes. Something must have happened during the day.”

“I know, but what?” If I were capable of crying, this would be the time for it.