Page 88 of Fundamentals of Chemistry

We were laying it on a little thick, but Alan was eating it up. He grinned as he looked over at me, then Jack. Then, his face fell.

“You guys seriously need to either be more careful or just stop entirely. I can’t keep covering for you. While I doubt you’d get into any real trouble, this”—he gestured between Jack and me—“is technically against the rules. You can’t keep flouncing around and expect there not to be consequences.”

“Flouncing?” Jack raised an eyebrow.

Despite Jack’s attempts to lighten the mood, Alan remained serious. “Jack, you’re one of my oldest friends, and I’d do anything for you, but you have got to be more careful. Could you imagine if Ashley found you? Or Richmond?”

My brow furrowed, and I pulled my blonde hair over my shoulder mechanically at the thought of Ashley. I wasn’t sure the strict woman would have an issue with the relationship, per se, but she would definitely be upset to learn I was doing something that risked my chances of getting hired full time. Not that it mattered.

“You’re right, buddy. We will.”

Alan nodded his head decisively. “Good. Now get out of here before I have to give you crazy kids detention.”

I snorted a laugh, and Jack cracked a smile before clapping Alan on the arm one more time.

Jack held the door for me as we made our way back to Brookside Hall. The usually comfortable silence between us felt oddly significant tonight. It felt heavier still as we made our way around the lake in the shadows. The empty space between us felt like a crater.

Jack’s voice finally broke the quiet. “He’s right. We’ve been getting reckless.”

“I know,” I sighed. “I’m sorry for roping you into this.”

Jack let out a heavy breath. “You have nothing to apologize for. I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. I’ve had a million fantasies about being together. Something about you just makes my brain shut off.”

“It’s because all of your blood is rushing to your dick.”

He snorted a laugh. “Probably.”

“Is that all this is for you?” I asked tentatively.

“What?”

“Is this just you living out your high school fantasy ten years later?”

I didn’t mean to hold my breath, but I was suddenly painfully interested to learn his answer. Somewhere over the last couple of weeks—or maybe even the last couple of months—my feelings for Jack had evolved from lust to like, and I was hurdling heart-first toward love. The idea that I might just be an object—a fantasy girl—to him stung.

“No,” he replied slowly after several painfully long moments. “No, it’s not.”

I let out the breath I had been holding and waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, I asked softly, “So, then what is this for you?”

He let out a heavy breath and shook his head. “What is this for you?”

“Don’t turn this around. I asked you first.”

“Yes, you did.”

We walked in silence until the glow of the lights in front of Brookside Hall were visible. I wished we hadn’t gotten back so quickly. This conversation wasn’t over, but it felt too hard to discuss under the fluorescent lights. I needed the anonymity of darkness to be completely honest with him and with myself. To say that the thought of ending whatever this was felt like slicing open my chest with a shard of broken glass.

But the silence was also killing me.

“For me this started as a fling,” I blurted. “I knew going in that one of us was always going to have to leave—that we didn’t have a future. But I couldn’t stay away. I liked you.”

“Started? Liked?” His voice was low and hoarse. Of course, he had to pick out those words—pull on that string. “Did something change for you?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. It wasn’t fair that he was asking me to expose my feelings when he was giving me nothing in return. That he expected me to be the brave one.

But I wasn’t afraid of my feelings. I wasn’t afraid of anything. If I could run away from home leaving my security behind, then I could give him a little more.

And maybe—just maybe—if I gave him a little more, then he would give me something in return.