Page 73 of Cruel Salvation

Her friend had changed, and she missed the man he’d been. Her heart broke for him because she understood what he was going through. Although nobody but Peyton had the full details, not even Bás.

“Knock, knock.”

Lotus looked up from where she was hiding in the tech room with the mostly silent Watchdog and saw Duchess looking at her. She hadn’t been able to face either her, Reaper, or Bein since that day a few days ago when she’d tried to kill them.

“Hey.”

“Can we talk?”

Her future felt uncertain right now. The teams’ trust and belief in her ability must be shot, and Bás had refused to talk about it until she was rested but had reassured her that her job was safe.

“Sure.”

“The dining hall okay? Val made biscotti.”

Lotus grinned. Biscotti were her weakness. “Why didn’t you lead with that?”

She felt tense as she walked beside the woman she thought of as a sister, knowing she’d tried to kill her. Even though she hadn’t been in her own mind, she was still the one that had executed those blows. Andrea Peston would be locked up indefinitely for her crimes, and Simon and Tim too. It had turned out they’d only been given a small dose of the drug and so still had some capacity and choices, and they’d chosen vengeance. Damon had withdrawn his offer to represent Simon and she understood why. If it had been Damon this had happened to, she would have murdered every last one of them and lost no sleep over it. She felt sad that two decorated military soldiers had ended up like they had, but she was finally realising it wasn’t her fault.

She was glad the man who loved her wasn’t like that. He wasn’t vengeful or angry and he forgave but never forgot. It was something she was working on being better at, although she doubted she’d ever be the forgiving type. She was learning slowly that it was okay to be who she was. She’d done some awful things in her life, but it didn’t make her a bad person.

Thankfully the fire at Fortis had been small, an out building on the edge of the property and as they suspected, a distraction, but nobody was hurt and the damage had been paid for by Shadow.

Peyton had put her in touch with the grief councillor and she had her first appointment next week. She hoped it helped but wasn’t sure she’d ever get from under the heavy blanket even with all the good she had in her life.

Her step faltered when she saw Bein, Reaper, and Hurricane sitting around the table in the far corner waiting for her. “What the hell is this?”

Duchess gave her a gentle shove towards them. “It’s time to stop hiding.”

“I wasn’t hiding.” Her denial was full of bite, and she knew they saw right through her.

“Oh stop, just sit the fuck down and listen.”

Lotus raised a brow at Duchess, who didn’t often lash out at her. Sulkily, Lotus moved to sit opposite Bein, Reaper, and Hurricane as if it was some kind of them and her thing.

“Oh, for God’s sake.”

Bein stood and moved to sit beside her, his free arm, the one not in a sling from a dislocated shoulder, came around her shoulders.

“Listen up, Naz. You’re not to blame for what happened. We hold no grudge, no anger, so stop beating yourself up. We love your prickly ass so stop hiding from us.”

Tears hit her eyes and she blinked them back as she leaned into his hold. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh God, don’t cry. Damon will castrate us if we make you cry.”

Hurricane moved and sat on the other side, his big hand covering her own. “You have nothing to be sorry for except maybe that roundhouse kick you used on Reaper. Your form was awful, like a jungle cat after an all-night bender. Sleek but messy as fuck.”

Lotus laughed despite herself, and Reaper caught her eye and winked.

“He’s right. You need some work, my girl.”

For the first time, perhaps ever, she realised how fucking lucky she was to have these people in her life. She’d thought she knew but this last year they’d stepped up over and over again and shown her how much they loved her, and she needed them to know she loved them too.

“I love you guys, all of you.” She reached for Duchess’ hand and squeezed. “I hope you know how much.”

“Weirdo alert if I ever saw one. Someone call an exorcist because I think Lotus just grew a heart bigger than her ego.”

“Shut it, Bein.” She playfully shoved him away and chuckled at the same time. The silly banter between them was back and the atmosphere in the room lightened up.