Page 24 of Cruel Salvation

“What was he like?”

“Funny. He had this wicked sense of humour. When we first met, I was weak and a bit like an injured kitten. I’d snarl and spit at anyone who approached me. I thought everyone had an ulterior motive. I’d spent so long undercover that I didn’t know which way was up anymore or who I could or should trust.”

“How did you get into this line of work? I don’t suppose it was on the careers list in secondary school.”

A huff of her laugh against his neck had him fighting the urge to bend his head and kiss her sweet mouth, but he knew he couldn’t risk losing this chance to know her more.

“Not exactly. My father cheated on my mum repeatedly. He was a venture capitalist, and I grew up surrounded by wealth and all the power that wealth could buy, but at home, nothing was what it seemed. My mother was desperately unhappy, and she sought solace with a man called Marcus Preedy. My dad was a terrible husband but, looking back, he wasn’t an awful father, just a very absent one.”

Damon knew who her father was just from that small revelation. “Richard Holt is your dad.”

Nazareli looked up. “Yes, do you know of him?”

“Never personally met him, but he was a titan in his industry.”

Naz nodded against his chest. “He was. My mother loved him, but he was always away and then she met Marcus Preedy and had an affair. But he didn’t really want her, she was just a pawn in another game he was playing, and he was an evil bastard. I never met him then, but he slaughtered her, and I was made to think it was an accident. I blamed my dad for a long time, but as I got a little older, I began to remember snippets of conversation she’d have on the phone when she thought I wasn’t listening. I began to snoop and found out she’d been cheating. Long story short, I found out Marcus Preedy was dead, but he had a son, Drew, and I went after him. I was angry and bitter and in pain and I was reckless. It’s amazing I wasn’t killed by the Fortis team. Not long after that, John found me and offered to train me if I went undercover and helped him take down his ex-wife, who was Marcus Preedy’s sister. I agreed and that’s how I ended up in this world.”

“Wow, that’s an awful lot for a young girl riddled with grief for her mother.”

She shrugged but didn’t respond, and he wondered if she had any idea how much she’d been used and manipulated by her mentor, John Smith. She might hero-worship him but he was as much to blame as anyone for the pain she’d suffered.

“Want to hear the rest of my sad and sordid story?”

“Yeah, baby, I do.”

Something about the way she said it, made him think she needed to say it out loud. Part of him didn’t want to hear anymore, because it made him want to find every fucker that had ever used this beautiful, amazing woman and tear them apart.

“So, I went undercover, and I was totally unprepared for how manipulative Rhea was. It screwed with my head to the point I didn’t know who to trust in the end. I felt drawn to her. She was so kind and caring towards me and she made me feel like I mattered. I knew she was my enemy, but it was all twisted up. I lost myself by the end and only just managed to do the right thing before I was almost killed when she figured out I wasn’t the person she thought I was. Rykov put me back together. He didn’t tell me who to trust or what to think, he just listened and helped me see how badly I’d been used by all of them. He let me find a new me, a woman who was broken and damaged but still deserved a life. He was my best friend, and I let him die.”

Damon couldn’t stand another minute not looking at her face and seeing her eyes. He twisted, lifting her so she was seated astride his thighs. He settled his hands on her hips, his thumbs stroking her hip bones and held her gaze.

“You’re not damaged and you’re not broken. You went through something horrendous at a very young age and then the people who were meant to protect you used you. You did good, Nazareli. You saved hundreds of thousands of people from that evil, and I know there are things you might not be proud of but we all have those. Yours are just a little harder for you to swallow because you’re a good person and you care.”

She looked at him with a wild, untamed denial in her eyes. “I killed people in cold blood and I’m good at it. I enjoy it sometimes. How does that make me a good person, Damon?”

“These people, were they kind, caring nurses or teachers or fathers with small kids waiting for a bedtime story or were they evil, killers, who would have murdered thousands of innocents?”

“Does it matter? I’m a killer.”

“Of course, it matters. I’m not saying life should be measured by the deeds we do but maybe they should be. Good people lived because bad people were extinguished by you and people like you. Where would this world be if she had won?”

Nazareli looked away and he gripped her chin and turned her to face him, her bottom lip wobbling slightly. “Tell me.”

“Hell. It would be a living hell.”

“You see? Yes, you killed but not because you enjoyed it, because I know that’s not it, but because you were protecting the good and the freedoms of us all. A killer without remorse doesn’t beat herself up like you do over the losses.”

“Rykov died because of me.”

“Did he, or did he die doing his job and protecting those he loved too?”

“I’m toxic, Damon. People die around me, and I don’t think I could cope if something happened to you too.”

He drew her into his arms and gripped her cheeks as he leaned his forehead onto hers. “Baby, you’re not toxic. You’ve been dealt the shittiest of hands and it’s about time that changed.”

“I don’t think we can change the hand we’re dealt.”

“Maybe not, but I need you to know you’re not alone. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know I want you in mine. You’re strong and beautiful and smart, and yet I find myself wanting to bundle you up and take you to a private island so I can keep you safe.”

“I don’t need you to keep me safe, Damon.”

“Thank God, because I’m shit with a gun and my hand-to-hand combat is subpar. I can, however, promise that if you trust me with your heart, I can protect it.”

And he would. If she gave him the chance, he’d protect her heart with his life.