Page 19 of Carnal

“So, what you want?”

“Just an eight ball.” Mitch didn’t even twitch. He was clearly used to buying from Rafael.

Rafael’s gaze focused on me. He pulled out a bag of what I assumed was cocaine. Mitch reached for it, but Rafael stopped him.

“No. Let your girl try it.”

Fuck. I understood. Of course, I had to try it. Joaquín and I used to love that old movie Rush. Jason Patric was so hot. I remembered when he had to use to prove he wasn’t a cop, which he was but he did it anyway.

I pursed my lips as Mitch cut my line. Rafael handed me a dollar bill and for the second time in my life, and I snorted some cocaine.

This time, it was different. I wasn’t scared anymore. I was on the verge of losing everything. A week ago, I had more hope. I believed that I had a chance to free Joaquín, and I still had my true identity hidden.

This time, my world looked different. Grant was in control, he doubted Joaquín’s innocence, and he doubted me. Despite our incredible love making, I couldn’t shake the sense that Grant would stay true to his word and leave me soon.

I wanted to lose myself in this drug, make my pain go away, get so fucking high that I could forget my misery.

Like a dog, Mitch must’ve sensed my weakness. His mouth covered mine, and I kissed him back, transferring our pain between us.

I wanted him to make me feel good and do whatever it took for me to forget about my fucking up life.

Because I knew no matter how much I loved Grant, he would never love me again.

Rafael’s voice broke our kiss. “Feel free to fuck. I can set up a camera.”

His words brought me back. “I am sorry about Autumn. I do not know why it is that she tease to you. I have other friends.” Complete lie, but I was sure I could scrounge up a stripper for Rafael.

“It’s fine. Sick of you stripping bitches.”

You stripping bitches. Maybe . . . he meant Tiffany. Her mom said her ex was a real loser. The one she thought was Julián’s father, it was a stretch, though. And Autumn mentioned that Tiffany said he was a drug dealer, which wasn’t really a very specific description of someone.

“I am sorry you had bad experience with stripper. I am stripper, too. We are not all the bad girl. I do it for the money.”

He didn’t answer me, but he didn’t need to. My eyes scoured this home. Trying to soak up every detail, memorize it. Praying to find a sign of Joaquín but there was nothing.

I squeezed Mitch’s hand, and he looked at me as if he understood what I wanted.

“Thanks, man. I needed this shit. Joaquín is probably going to plea.”

Nice job, Mitch.

Rafael’s eyebrow rose. “Yeah? Don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s nothing you can do for him.”

I wanted to smack Rafael and question him about Joaquín, Julián, and Tiffany. He sounded almost confident that Joaquín was guilty. I wanted to know how he knew Joaquín, and if he had been at the party. I wanted to verify everything Mitch had told me on the way over, and I wanted to find out what the fuck he meant by ‘there’s nothing you can do for him.’

Before I could say anything, Mitch gripped my hand so hard I almost squeaked and Rafael stood, holding out the baggie for me to take. I stuffed it in my purse. Mitch handed him a wad of cash, and we walked out.

Once safely inside Mitch’s truck, I glared at him. “Thanks for taking me there. And for bringing up Joaquín. Did he know Tiffany? What did Rafael mean by saying there is nothing you can do for him?”

“Don’t mention it. He didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know. Yeah, he knew Tiffany. She brought the drugs to the party and got them from him. I still don’t know her connection to Joaquín if there was any. And I don’t have a clue what he meant by that.”

I debated telling Mitch that there was a possibility that Joaquín and Tiffany had a kid together, but decided to wait until I knew for sure. Maybe Julián was Rafael and Tiffany’s son. That would make much more sense. Either way, I should get the new results from Roman any day.

“Fine.” I held the baggie out to Mitch, but he waved his hand at it.

“Keep that. I have a feeling you need it more than I do.”

“No. I don’t want it.”

“I can’t do any. We have a piss test coming up. I’m sick of it, anyway. I want to start clean. With you, Mia.”

A metallic taste filled my mouth. “I appreciate everything you’re doing for me and Joaquín. But you know I love Grant. That will never go away.”

“Grant’s never going to love you again. He’s a good man, better one than I am. I was telling you the truth the other night. And I know you feel alone in this full thing, like you have no one. But you have me. I’ve always wanted you. I promise I can make you happy. Happier than Grant ever could. You’re so not like him. I know you love him, but just think about it. If he’s not going to love you, I will.”

I couldn’t believe he was serious. Mitch was fucking gorgeous, no doubt, but I loved Grant. Even so, it was nice to hear that someone cared about me. Mitch’s loneliness filled the truck, and I stuffed the bag in my purse, not even understanding why. “I will, Mitch. I will.”