Page 78 of Carte

I took a step that brought me right in front of him and looked up into his cognac eyes. “Why do you look like you’re ready to go on a rampage, but at the same time, like you’re beating yourself up?”

His butterflies fluttered their wings as he looked down at me.

“I failed you. Again. I can’t stand the fact that this fucker gained access to you. A fucking gain, and I was nowhere near you. I hate myself for leaving you when I knew you were at risk.”

Fear made itself known in his eyes then. Seeing it, my heart gave a painful thump.

I reached out, and grabbed his forearm, “It’s not your fault. You were gone because you tried to figure out who is behind all of this. You were doing everything to keep me safe.”

“I left you all alone.”

“You had no choice. You couldn’t be in two places at once. And it was important for you to go.”

He scoffed, “Don’t just leave me off the hook. You could’ve been hurt.” He swallowed, “Or worse.”

I shuffled even closer to him, “That’s true. But even when I was in that bathroom, scared out of my mind, I knew you would save me. I knew you wouldn’t stop until you got to me. There was never a trace of doubt in my mind that you wouldn’t come to me. And there wasn’t a chance in hell you would let anything happen to me. All I had to do was wait for you.”

He looked like he didn’t believe me.

“I know something else too,” I murmured.

“What’s that?”

“I know I won’t let him beat me. As long as you’re with me, I’ll go back and finish the tour. I’ll sing my heart out night after night, and as long as I sleep by your side, I win. He won’t push me into darkness, and I won’t hide in the shadows. With you, I’ll shine, Carter.”

“God, you really believe that?” He looked at me like I was some kind of miracle.

“When I’m with you, nothing can touch me.”

Pain sliced through his eyes, and I squeezed his arm, “What was that?”

“I failed so many people in my life. I’m scared I’m going to fail you, too. Again. I’m terrified of losing you.”

I glanced down to his neck then.

The butterflies. They were his family.

And then his chest tattoo flashed in my mind.

“Why do you have a paper wasp tattooed on your chest?”

“They’re natural protectors of the butterflies while they’re in their cocoon stage.”

“But, why the broken wings?”

He shook his head, pain surfacing on his face. Pain and shame. “The butterfly with the broken wing?” He asked, and continued after my nod. “That’s for my dad. I was too young when it happened to do anything about it. But the rest of them, they’re for each of my siblings. I got the wasp after Chace and Alina’s ordeal. For the third time in my life, I was nowhere near to help them.”

“You were working, Carter. And they understand that.”

He shook his head, “ My work consists of making people safe, of finding the truth and eliminating it, making sure that my clients can go on with their lives. And when the same need arose for my family, I didn’t come. I didn’t help. I was with a high profile client, making sure they were safe. While my family was in danger,” his eyes shifted. “I should’ve been there.”

Pressure built behind my eyes, and my vision blurred, “Have you talked to them about it?”

He looked down and jerked his head in negative.

“You need to. You have to let all this guilt out. It’ll devour you. You can’t be alone in this.”

His jaw worked back and forth. “It’s better that way. They have beautiful lives now. They don’t deserve for me to dump my shit at their feet.”