Page 29 of Clinically Awkward

“Your peripheral vision was DRUNK.”

“So I walked up to the officers,” Fitz continued, “and I asked what was happening. And they said they were conducting sobriety tests. And I said, ‘Oh, how fun! I’ll participate!’”

I lost it. I actually lost it.

“You VOLUNTEERED for a sobriety test?” Gabriel asked, his voice strangled with laughter.

“I thought it would be entertaining!”

“And then what happened?” Nathan asked, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Well, I failed the test.”

“Obviously.”

“And they asked me to come inside the station to fill out some paperwork. And I said, ‘Of course, officers, I’m happy to help.’ And then I may have started singing.”

“May have?” Winnie’s voice was dangerously quiet.

“I definitely started singing.”

“You sang ‘God Save the Queen’ for TWENTY MINUTES.”

“It’s a very long song when you include all the verses.”

“There’s only ONE verse!”

“Well, I improvised.”

Hayden stood up. “I’m leaving.”

“You can’t leave,” Julien said. “We haven’t finished the schedule.”

“I don’t care about the schedule. I care about my blood pressure, which is currently at stroke levels.”

“That’s very dramatic, Hayden.”

“This entire situation is dramatic!”

“Sit down,” Julien said. “Please. I’m begging you. If I don’t finish this schedule, my spouse is going to make me sleep on the couch, and the couch is currently occupied by a tarot card reading station that I’m not allowed to disturb.”

Hayden sat down.

Winnie was still glaring at Fitz. “You owe me $500.”

“I’ll pay you back.”

“When?”

“Eventually.”

“WHEN IS EVENTUALLY?”

“When I have $500?”

“You’re a doctor. You have $500.”

“Not liquid. It’s all tied up in investments.”