Page 153 of You + Me – Against the World

Our turn finally comes. The three of us squeeze onto small stools facing a glass pane, while other visitors do the same behind the glass partitions. I’d been warned that we could have “no physical contact with the inmate,” as is the case for anyone awaiting trial, but the glass barrier suddenly seems intolerable. An irrepressible urge to drive my fist through it and shatter it into a thousand pieces sends electricity coursing through my hand.

But then Vadim appears, wearing loose, orange pants that hang low on his hips and a white T-shirt bearing the county jail logo. An officer takes off his handcuffs and motions for him to sit. The sight of it rips the wound in my heart open a little wider.

Vadim stares at me. He briefly glances at Felix, then Clémentine, but soon goes back to gazing deeply into my eyes. For a few long seconds he keeps his eyes on mine, which I feel filling with tears. He lowers his head when he sees them spill down my cheeks. I try to pull myself together, and pick up the phone attached to the counter. Almost reluctantly, he does the same.

“I told you not to come. Seeing you like this is worse than jail.”

“It’s the AC making my eyes water.” I force a smile.

Fe snatches the phone from my hands so he can talk to his buddy. “We only have an hour, for fuck’s sake! Are they treating you okay in here, man?”

“I’m fine, can’t complain.”

“Tell me what you want me to do! Do you need money?”

“No, I’m not allowed to have anything until the hearing.”

“When is it scheduled for?”

“In a few days, according to my lawyer.”

“How’s your case looking?”

“Bad. He wants me to plead guilty to avoid a trial and minimize the consequences.”

“Are you going to do that?”

“I don’t know,” he sighs, ruffling his hair.

If I bring my ear close to the receiver, I can hear their conversation, but only faintly. I try to read my boyfriend’s lips, but I find myself watching him more than listening. The delicate features of his face. His sharp good looks. His piercing, tired eyes. The smooth skin of his hollow cheeks. A small cut along his jaw, probably caused by a cheap razor. The unruly curls that I can’t touch. His soft lips, barely parting as he speaks—lips I long so desperately to kiss. And the worst part: not being able to breathe in his scent.

Clem’s elbow digs into my ribs twice, then Felix taps me on the shoulder with the phone before handing it to me.

“Wake up, Lancaster! He needs you, right here, right now! Not tomorrow, not anywhere else. This is all you’re going to get, so deal with it and try to cheer my buddy up!” he spits, rising abruptly from his stool.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Clem whispers to me, a supportive hand on my back. “Will you be okay? We’ll wait for you in the parking lot. I hate to admit it, but that dipshit is right: don’t waste the minutes you have left with him.”

I nod, then watch them walk away. Bringing the receiver to my ear, I try to hold back another wave of tears before I look Vadim in the eye.

“Is the AC still making your eyes water?” He smiles from the other side of the glass. “I can ask them to turn it off, if you want. I practically live here!”

“I wanted to be stronger for you. But I can’t.”

“I’m not asking anything of you, Alma. That’s why I didn’t want you to come. You shouldn’t have to deal with all this.”

“Neither should you! You don’t belong here. And the sheer injustice of it is killing me. You need to get out, Vadim.”

“I can’t. I’m trapped here. That’s just how it is.”

“Why are you giving up? This isn’t you! Vadim Arcadi is a fighter, a rebel, a renegade who isn’t afraid of anything!”

“Yeah, and look where it got me…”

“No! You’ve fought your whole life. You’re not going to stop. Not now!”

“It’s my word against his. A lost cause.”

He has a resigned tone and a defeated look that don’t suit him at all.