Page 125 of Kickoff

“No. Don’t say that. I would have never put pressure on you. I don’t care about those five pounds. I always thought you were pretty. Did I say something to make you believe otherwise?” I replayed some of our conversations in my head, trying to find out where it went wrong. If I’d said something she could have interpreted badly. Nothing. I couldn’t think of anything.

“Don’t blame yourself, Mase. It’s all on me.”

“What does it mean…for us?”

“There can’t be an us. And I’m not sure there can ever be one. We’re too different.”

“Different is a good thing. And we can help each other out. I’m not perfect. I struggle too. With how people see me…you’ve witnessed it. Thanks to you, I’m just starting to be myself again. You get me. You never ask me to be perfect or to put on a brave face when I feel down. See? We can help each other out. We’re good together.”

“Mase, you can’t be my crutch. I gotta do this on my own. I’m sorry if I’m hurting you. If we are together, you’ll be collateral damage. Eventually… I’m going away for the winter break. My cousin Jeremy lives in Traverse City. My parents found a clinic there... I’ll be staying at his house while I receive treatments. Please don’t call me or show up. It would just make things messier than what they already are.”

“So, it’s like that? You’re ditching me, and there’s nothing I can do or say about it?”

“Sorry. It’s better this way. We’ll talk when I return in January…or maybe we won’t.”

“Mel… don’t push me away. Not like this.”

“I have to. You should go home now.”

Her cold tone surprised me, and I froze, unable to speak.

“I was serious at school this morning, Mase. I don’t need you to save me. Stop playing superhero.”

A part of my heart died. Why was she being cruel? Was it a new attempt to keep me at a distance?

I let go of her and stood. “You don’t mean that. I know you, and you don’t mean a word you just said.”

Melinda moved to her feet, avoided looking at me, and neared the door, opening it wide and showing me out. “We’re done. I also meant it when I told Paige I was done with her. I never wanna talk to her ever again. She snitched on me.”

“She’s your best friend. Flush me from your life, but don’t flush her.”

“She was my best friend. I’m not sure I can forgive a traitor.”

“You don’t mean that.” You don’t mean this; you don’t mean that. Were those the only replies left in me? “Nothing you’re saying sounds like you right now.”

“Well, maybe you don’t know me as much as you thought you did.”

Before I could argue further, she closed the door on me. For the longest time, I stood there, my palm splayed on the panel of the door, wishing she would change her mind, say she was sorry, and we would make out and that she would agree to accept my help through her struggles.

It never happened.

For the very first time, I found love and lost it just as fast.

Back home, I hurried to my room, avoiding my parents’ questions, before Paige and Craig cornered me upstairs.

“I can’t do this,” I said, breathless as if I had run drills for hours. “She wants nothing to do with me anymore.”

“Oh, Mase.” Paige pulled me into her arms, her tears mirroring mine. “It’s all my fault. I should have said something sooner. Mel was good at changing the subject and finding excuses to explain her behavior. I had to go to Mr. and Mrs. S. They had to know. But I messed up everything for all of us when I did. I’m so sorry.”

I hugged her tighter. “You did the right thing. Never believe you didn’t. I just wish you had told me first. I don’t know what I could have done differently, but I would have tried.”

“Now she hates us all. I lost my best friend.”

I swallowed around the lump, now a permanent fixture in my throat. “I’m sure she’ll forgive you. Once she’s healed.”

“What about you?”

“She just doesn’t love me back.”