Page 9 of False Promises

Until Dahlia met me backstage and her words stabbed me. Straight through the heart. “I’m pregnant, Carter.”

For a long beat, I watched her. Not sure I heard her right.

“Wait. What?”

Keeping her gaze cast down, she refused to look at me. She kept going, as if eventually, I would agree with what she was saying. She was throwing all this shit at me, and I had no time to react. To process her words.

“Carter, you and I…” She kept talking, but my brain refused to acknowledge what she was saying. “…It’s not right. I’m in love with Jeff.”

No. She shouldn’t be. Dahlia and I were meant to be together. What more did she need to finally figure it out? It all sounded so wrong. Once again, I’d be the one left behind. The one with the broken heart.

Every cell in me trembled with soul-crushing pain, anchored so deep I couldn’t pinpoint the source. My chest fractured in two. The ache spread all through my being. Like a house of glass, my walls were shattering and the pieces dispersing in every direction. For a quick second, I shut my eyes, hoping to find my bearings. And the control that was slipping away from me.

In an attempt to salvage my bleeding heart, I sucked in a long breath, doing my best to keep my boiling emotions under wraps, and said, “Don’t say shit like this, Dah. We were never just friends, and you know it. I love you. I’ve always loved you. And you yourself told me you love me just as much.”

The need to touch her grew in me, and my hands found her upper arms, keeping her in place as we faced each other. Did the despair in her eyes match what she could read in mine? When I spoke again—my voice rough from the show we just gave and the agony slicing through it—I did a poor job of hiding my true feelings from her. “Never say you don’t love me again. It’s complete bullshit, and you know it.” Why did she have to be so blind to us? To everything we were? She had no right to deny the depth of our connection because she knew better now.

Tears cascaded down Dahlia’s cheeks. And her eyes… They didn’t light up her face anymore. They had lost their spark.

We were about to drown, and I had no idea how to stop the darkness from engulfing us, its grip too tight around my beating organ.

The next words passing her lips killed the remnants of hope waltzing in me. “We can’t be together, Carter. It’d kill Jeff. You know that,” she said in a choked voice between sobs.

“Screw him. I love Jeff; he’s my brother. But I’m in love with you. Too fucking much. I want this with you. The family, the life, the future. Please, Dah, don’t lose faith in us. Don’t turn your back on me. I’ve loved you forever. You know it’s true. There’s no one out there for me except for you.”

“I’m sorry, Carter. I’ve made my choice. Jeff proposed to me last night. We’re getting married next month.”

As if I’d been gut-punched, I folded in two, unable to breathe on my own. She kept talking, and every word escaping her mouth sounded foreign. A crater of pain and sorrow grew inside me. Burying everything that was good in its cavity.

“Don’t be sad, Carter. It’s for the best. You’ll be part of the baby’s life.”

None of what she was saying was right. How could she be so wrong? About us? About everything?

“I’m leaving the band.”

At that instant, I thought I would die. Right there. After rising to the top, I was falling to my lowest of lows. So fast, I couldn’t do anything to stop myself from plunging into the abyss.

The world spun around me. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a hold of it. To stop its motion. The pounding of my heart deafened me, drowning every one of Dahlia’s words. I must have blacked out that night because all my memories from there on were hazy. Like they weren’t mine. The next day, I was late for the flight bringing us back home, locked in the hotel room I had trashed, unable to talk or process anything, my entire self frozen in place. And all my dreams, gone.

Since the night Dahlia left the band, I’d become a pro at hiding from my two favorite people and drinking my pain away. Guess they were tired of my avoidance because they both showed up at my house when I was out, acting as if they owned the place, prepping dinner and setting the table for us three. Just like old times. I bet they didn’t receive the memo I was out of the equation by now. Never again would it be the three of us together. That era was over.

They had their own stuff going on. Things I wasn’t part of. Things I wasn’t allowed to envy. Things that didn’t concern me anymore.

From my side of the table, I studied them. Even though they tried to not rub their happiness in my face, it poured out from them. It was sickening.

Jumping to my feet, I sauntered to the kitchen, grabbed two beers from the fridge, and handed my brother one. At least I could pretend to be a good host. Even though I wasn’t in the mood for fake smiles and pretend play.

Dahlia reached out over the table to grab my hand once I sat back down, but I retracted mine. She frowned at the gesture, questions swirling in her eyes. Even in my most wretched phase, she was the one person who always found a way to reach me. To help me heal. This time, it felt wrong to share that intimate connection.

Like it was dirty somehow.

I shook my head at her. “Don’t.”

She brought her hand back to her side of the table. “Okay.” Her voice was a whisper. I could read on her face I’d hurt her feelings, but somehow, I couldn’t pretend to care. Because mine hurt so bad right now, I believed I would explode. Every truth I kept locked in, every emotion I never expressed before, would burst out all at once. And the mess it would leave in its trail would ruin us. Forever. Taint us with secrets we weren’t ready for. And there would be no turning back. No way to fix us if I did. So, I kept my mouth shut.

We ate in silence until my brother decided to speak up. “Carter, I’m aware you’re hurting. We’re all aware. Alienating everyone who loves you and becoming a drunk aren’t the solutions to healing. To get through this funk.”

I kept my focus on my plate, playing with my food, my stomach too tight to eat anything.