Page 16 of False Promises

I took the biggest inhale I could muster. “Dah. Talk to me. Wh-what happened?”

She leaned back, her eyes locking on mine. And from the unsaid words that filled them, I knew it was bad. Uncontrollable tremors shook my body. A burning sensation developed deep inside me. The last beating chunk of my heart burst into bleeding particles. This was it. The moment when I’d wish I was either dead or in another one of my nightmares.

My gut told me this was neither, though. It was real. I wouldn’t be able to escape the pain of it. And I would never recover from it.

“Dah,” I urged. “What happened?”

“Cart, it’s Jeff.”

“Did he do something to you?”

“He’s…he’s…he’s dead.”

The words I wished she never spoke echoed in my skull. They made no sense. Not at all.

A sour taste filled my mouth. Everything in me tightened as if coils of steel were wrapped around my organs.

I blinked. I needed her to repeat that. It was the whiskey. It fucked with my brain cells.

“Carter, listen to me. Jeff is never coming back.”

“NO,” I barked. “Stop lying. Please. It can’t be true. No, my brother is not dead. He’s alive. Dah, I’m sure he’s just late. He’ll be home soon.”

“Cart. Stop. It’s—” Her voice cracked. “Cart, he’s gone. Forever.”

I folded in two as if a train had just hit me in the stomach at full speed. It stole every molecule of oxygen from my lungs. And a loud bellow escaped my mouth. “How? It’s not possible. He called me this morning. I didn’t pick up. I was still mad at him. For everything that went down between the three of us. For our relationship blowing up. For the wedding. The band. The baby. He can’t be gone. We haven’t talked in a while or made peace, hugged each other or forgiven… We hadn’t said I love you in too fucking long.”

Dahlia’s cries intensified. She held on to me as if I were her lifeline, her fingernails digging into my flesh. As if I could save her from drowning in her heartache. “He died. Suddenly. I think. I-I don’t know. I found him in the driveway. He wasn’t breathing. They took him. The paramedics. The coroner. He just dropped dead without saying goodbye to me. I don’t even remember if I said I loved him today. It went down too fast. He had bought flowers. For me. They were lying beside him. Dead too. We were doing great. We had found our way back to each other. A-and he’ll never be around me, around us, ever again. I’ll never be able to say goodbye. To hug him one last time. Ever.” She sniffed. “The baby. He was so ecstatic about my pregnancy. We had just finished the nursery. He’ll never hold our son. Never watch him take his first steps. Or teach him how to swim.”

Fresh tears—the ones that were scorching hot—pooled in my eyes.

This couldn’t be true.

A sharp pain pierced my heart. In many ways, I wished it were a sword. Because I’d give my life up for my brother anytime. Even though we were at odds right now, I never stopped loving him. He was still my second favorite person in this world.

Every cell of my body hurt.

“Cart, talk to me,” my best friend pleaded. “I know you hate me. But I need you. And I miss you. I’ve been missing you for months.”

“Dah, that’s the problem. I never hated you. I wanted to. I really did. But I couldn’t. Neither one of you. I was mad at the world. At the circumstances. At everything I wished would be mine but couldn’t have.”

“I’m not sure how to keep living. I’m not sure I want to.”

I shook my head. “No. No, no, no. Dah, don’t say that. You hear me? Never say that again. I need you too. I always have. And always will. You are the best part of me. You’ve always been.”

“Don’t. I destroyed your relationship with your brother. I got stuck in the middle, and my mess impacted all of us. I never meant to hurt any of you, Cart. I swear.”

“Dah—”

“Stop. I fucked us up. You two were my entire life. Now we’ll never be able to mend our relationship. How am I supposed to do this on my own? I need him to come back to me.”

“Dah, Jeff can’t be gone. I need him too. Please tell me it’s a prank.” My eyes begged her to belie her earlier words.

“It’s not. He’s not coming back.”

Dahlia held on to me. “Cart, I’m so sorry. Jeff loved you. And he missed you too. I swear. He talked about you all the time, trying to figure out how to fix what you once had. He felt responsible for the distance between you two and us two. He knew in some ways he’d betrayed your trust. Twice. Believe me, he never wanted to hurt you. We didn’t plan for this all those years ago when we fell in love. Don’t shut me out. I’m here, okay? We’re in this together.”

I hugged her a little tighter. “Dah, I never said sorry to him. Oh god, I’ve been acting so childish. I chose to keep him away.” My body quivered with sobs. “I’ll never get a chance to make things better now. To make amends. It’s too late.” My eyes moved toward the ceiling. “I’m fucking sorry, big bro.” In that instant, I knew I’d never heal from this heartbreak. “I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you lately.”