Page 89 of Talk to Me

“We don’t have to go back to the dorms yet,” Theo said, moving up beside me again. “It’s not late or anything.”

“I know,” I said, still looking around, devising our escape plan to the dorms, “but with the rain and cold…you know.”

“They’re showing a movie in the theater auditorium,” Theo suggested, and I felt his hand wrapping around mine.

I looked down at our hands as he twined his fingers through mine. When I looked up at him, Theo looked panicked, but as if he was trying to hold it together. He looked hopeful.

“Um,” I said, “it’ll probably be packed now that the party is busted. If the party was still going on and we wandered over, we’d probably have had it to ourselves, but—”

“Is this okay?” Theo interrupted me.

“Wh-what?” I stammered.

Smiling awkwardly, Theo tugged at my hand, lifting our arms halfway up, then letting them drop between us again. Looking down at our hands once more, I realized that ignoring what had been happening between Theo and I since…I couldn’t remember when…was no longer a viable option. Because, when I thought hard enough about it, things had been unusual between us since before Thanksgiving. The fact that other people had mentioned it—namely, my mother and Collin—reinforced the fact that I was trying to avoid examining my feelings.

“I mean,” I said slowly, “I guess?”

“You look flushed,” Theo said, and his voice sounded gruff.

He stared into my eyes, his hand squeezing mine gently.

“It’s the cold,” I said quietly, staring back at him.

“Doesn’t cold do the opposite?” he grinned.

“Um…you know…I don’t know,” I said.

That was the truth. I suddenly couldn’t think of anything except how I truly felt about Theo holding my hand in a way that felt like anything but friendly.

Theo faked surprise.

“Josh has nothing to say!” Theo gasped, his hand leaving mine to go over his mouth. “Someone alert the media! Actually, let me get my phone out! We’ll have to make a video for Peepers!”

Chuckling, I nudged him in the shoulder, and he pretended to stumble back a step, joining me in laughter. When we’d settled down, he reached out again, his hand going for mine. Not wanting to, but knowing it was best, I took a step back, avoiding his hand. Theo’s brow furrowed and he looked down at his coffee cup before bringing it to his lips.

“What are you doing?” I asked softly.

The rain was thundering on the awning over us now. Out around campus, the snow that was left was melting away under the torrent. As much as I was thinking about Theo, I couldn’t help but hope that the temperatures overnight wouldn’t turn campus into a skating rink by morning.

“What does it look like?” Theo asked with a shrug and a self-conscious smile. “I was trying to hold your hand.”

“Why?” I demanded, though there was no heat to my voice.

“Because…I want to?”

“Why?”

Theo chuckled nervously. “Do I need a reason other than I want to?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head to clear it. “I mean, what does holding my hand mean?”

Theo lifted his cup, tilted it back and slammed the remainder of his coffee. Then he tossed the empty cup into the trash can by the bookstore entrance. Finally, he turned to me, giving me his full attention.

“I like you, Josh,” he said. “Obviously. That’s what it means. It means that after months of getting to know you, I want to get to know you even more.”

Being shocked by his response would have been ridiculous. I knew why Theo was becoming so physically comfortable with me lately. Hearing him say it out loud was my goal. Because until I heard him admit it out loud, I could avoid thinking about it. Once I heard him say it, I could start unpacking my feelings.

And concerns.