Page 101 of Talk to Me

“And Ben was all agreeable. Sooo fucking sweet about it. It was like I’d come up with the best idea ever and he was so happy I’d suggested it. So, I felt good about it. We made plans to get together and figure out the best way to do that. You know, make a video together or something? Or make single videos for our own accounts explaining we were broken up. Whatever.”

“Okay.”

“And that same fucking night, he got on Peepers—on our shared account—and announced that we were breaking up because I cheated on him,” Theo said, shaking his head ruefully. “Ben knew that if we ‘broke up’ or whatever, people would take sides. He knew how the internet works. He wanted all of the followers we had, not just half or whatever. So, he made me look like this awful piece of shit who screwed him over so he got all the sympathy and everyone would follow his single account.”

My eyes widened as I stared at Theo.

“I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, Josh,” Theo said. “Maybe because I had, like, one boyfriend in high school and haven’t really dated a lot. Maybe I am a horrible person—who knows. But I’ve never cheated on anyone, but especially not Ben, because we were never even dating. All of this shit has been him doing his best to keep his followers and make as much money as possible, not even caring what it has done to me.”

I started to speak, but stopped myself. Theo obviously had a lot to get off his chest.

“I thought, maybe, if I moved on, and dated a guy I actually liked,” he said, glancing up at me with a smile, “Ben would realize that I didn’t care and he’d move on, you know? Find some other victim to harass—not that I wanted him to do that. But I thought he’d at least leave me alone for once. But now he’s dragging you into it, making up lies about you, and trying to get even more sympathy.”

Staring at him, I wanted to hold Theo so badly, to take away his hurt.

“And I promised you I would never intentionally hurt you,” Theo said. “And a week later, you’re getting hurt by this shit.”

He tapped the phone-sized bulge in his front pocket.

"I don’t want to hurt you, Josh,” Theo said. “Because I don’t actually like you.”

My eyes got even wider.

“I think I might love you,” he said, then looked down at his lap, though he couldn’t keep the grin from blooming on his face. “You getting hurt by this bullshit that is all my fault…I don’t want that.”

“How is it your fault?” I demanded, cutting in before he could continue.

Theo looked up at me.

“I was the asshole that agreed to lie to everyone about my relationship with Ben to begin with,” Theo shrugged. “If I hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be here right now, would we?”

I snorted. “I think saying it’s all your fault is a stretch. I mean, yeah, you and Ben shouldn’t have lied about being in a relationship, sure. But someone saying a person cheated on them for followers and clout and ruining another person’s life is a bit shittier, don’t you think?”

He smiled.

“Yeah. Probably.” He agreed.

“And,” I said quietly, “I think I might love you, too.”

His head shot up and his eyes locked onto mine. His smile widened.

“But,” I said, my brow furrowing, “why not just tell me all of this, like, months ago? Why not tell the world? I mean, you could have gotten on Peepers and said here’s the deal guys, Ben and I were never dating to begin with, or whatever? Why put up with all of this shit for so long?”

Theo sighed, his face falling.

“Because it all felt like I deserved it,” he said. “In a way. I’d lied to everyone on Peepers about dating Ben to begin with—and then I was going to get on there and be, like, the dating was a lie, but I’m not lying about this thing? Who would believe me anyway? I’d made my bed, you know? And also…”

Theo trailed off and chewed at his lip for a moment before speaking again.

“I won’t lie,” he said, “I had fun making videos with Ben. At least for part of it. We were never a thing, but I thought we were friends. I mean, I thought he was my friend. Speaking out against him felt wrong in some way, even if I was just defending myself against his lies. Maybe, stupidly, I was trying to be the bigger person? I don’t know. It all just kind of caught me off guard. I didn’t know how to process the betrayal at the time. And by the time I realized he was basically just a fucking asshole who had used me, it had been months. What was the point in trying to get ahead of it then? There was no way. People really wouldn’t believe me after waiting that long to speak up.”

Watching Theo, I somehow knew exactly what he was saying, though I’d never experienced the same situation in my life.

“And people were going to believe what they want,” Theo continued. “If people are determined to hate you, anything they find that justifies their bias is just truth to them. The truth really doesn’t stand a chance against other people’s ignorance. Some people are just out there hating and looking for things to give that hate justification. They’ll believe whatever they want. Say whatever they want.”

Theo stopped speaking abruptly and slumped in the chair. After a moment, I realized there was really not much else to say about the nameless, faceless void of hate that was the internet.

“If people are going to say whatever they want anyway,” I said with a shrug, “then we may as well love each other and ignore it. At least we’re happier that way, right?”