Page 100 of Talk to Me

The truth seemed best.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Theo smile. He didn’t hesitate. Reaching over, he took my hand from my lap and twined his fingers through mine, holding our hands on his knee.

“I miss you a lot,” he said. “Josh, I—”

“Theo,” I said, stopping him as I turned to prop a knee up on the bed between us, still holding his hand, “I just want you to know that I don’t give a fuck what people are saying online. Whatever weird lies they want to make up, that’s fine with me. I’m a big boy and don’t need you protecting me from it. Okay?”

Theo was frowning and looking down at our hands, though he didn’t look upset with me. He seemed to be considering what I was saying.

“I talked to Arthur,” I said,” and he made a good point. People are going to talk whether we are together or not. So, which way are we happiest?”

Theo looked up at me then and gave me a soft smile.

“I know which way I’m happiest,” I said. “And I think you feel the same. That’s what I want to say to you.”

With a sigh, Theo slid his hand from mine and stood slowly from the bed. I expected him to walk out of the room without saying a word. Obviously, taking his hand from mine and standing meant that my tiny little speech meant nothing to him. He felt the way he felt, and there was nothing that I could say that would convince him that he’d made the wrong choice.

When he began to pace up and down the center of the room, staring down at his feet, as if contemplating what to say, I was confused.

“Theo?” I asked softly.

Finally, he stopped pacing, shuffled over to my desk chair and sat down. Theo rested his arms on his knees and leveled me with his eyes. I stared back, wondering what had him acting so strangely.

“Talk to me, Theo,” I said. “Seriously.”

His knees were jiggling up and down as he sat there, chewing at his lip.

“Talk to me,” I said. “Drop all this shit about protecting me and not wanting to hurt me. Don’t give me some speech that you curated for Peepers or your followers. Don’t worry about saying or doing the right things and actually talk to me.”

“I want to tell you something,” Theo said so suddenly I nearly jumped. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a month. Actually, I’ve been wanting to tell you since you cursed me out under the tree after American Lit.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Okay?”

“Ben and I were never dating,” Theo said.

I stared at him.

“Wh-what?” I stammered.

He signed again and sat back in the chair.

“Here’s the thing, Josh,” Theo said, exasperated. “Ben and I started that combined account on Peepers because making videos as a duo got more views than doing videos alone. And people just assumed we were dating. Making comments about what a cute couple we were, how good we looked together, how much they loved our relationship videos…blah blah blah. So…we just kept it up. But, at the end of the day, he was in his bed, and I was in mine.”

“Are you telling me—”

“We did everything we could to keep up appearances, you know?” he said, shrugging. “We didn’t see other guys, we held hands in public, we’d give each other little kisses in videos, that kind of stuff, but we never liked each other. We were friendly and sometimes hung out when we weren’t trying to make videos that made money, but we never dated. We definitely never had sex or anything. I only know what he looks like in his underwear because we’d change in the same room to do videos and stuff. That’s the most intimacy we ever had.”

He gave a small, bitter laugh.

“Theo—”

“And, I didn’t really enjoy it after a while,” he cut me off again. “I told Ben it would probably be best if we went back to making videos alone and cut things off. The lie itself felt gross, but keeping it up took so much work. It was exhausting. I didn’t like lying to everyone about our relationship. Honestly, I don’t remember which one of us came up with the idea to begin with. It was just something we fell into since everyone just assumed we were together, you know?”

I nodded, not bothering to try and speak again.

“So,” Theo sighed, rubbing his hands on his knees, “I told Ben we should give it up. We didn’t have to come clean or anything if he didn’t want to, but we could tell everyone we decided to break up and remain friends or something.”

Again, I nodded along.