Page 42 of A Straight Line

“Someone was telling everyone in town that the boys were giving blowjobs and committing other depraved acts in the bar’s bathrooms,” Felix said.

Bethany nodded. “This was the late eighties—little town in the Midwest? A gay bar was one thing, but knowing that the gays were actually having sex? That just couldn’t be tolerated. I mean, granted, sex in public is a crime of obscenity and all—”

“Only if you’re doing it right.” Felix quipped.

Denny and I chuckled nervously.

“—but someone just had to go around telling everyone that. Once the mayor and City Council—and then the police—caught wind of it, well, they planned to come in, check it out for themselves, arrest anyone caught doing anything obscene—and shutter the doors for good,” Bethany said. “They didn’t just intend to ticket your uncles and maybe give them a fine, no. They were going to use it as a way to get rid of the queers for good.”

“That’s ridiculous!” I gasped. “All that for a rumor?”

“It wasn’t a rumor!” Felix proclaimed. “Of course, the boys were having sex with each other in the bathrooms. That’s what a gay bar bathroom is for!”

“What?” I laughed.

“It’s just what we do,” Felix said with a wave of his hand. “It’s a longstanding tradition in the gay community. It’s part of our heritage. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Russy. Two consenting adult men getting their rocks off? It’s sweet.”

“Well, I don’t know about sweet,” I said, forcing myself not to look over my shoulder at Denny, “but I guess it’s nice that there’s a pot for every lid?”

“Fair enough,” Felix said. “But the rumor wasn’t a rumor. Someone decided to blab their big mouth about the bar and all the fun we had. The breeders couldn’t stand for the queers having any kind of freedom or fun.”

Bethany nodded. “Well, the cops showed up one night. All of ‘em. Granted, in Littleburg, that’s just a handful, but they were ready to come in, check things out, and haul people away. The bar would’ve been kaput after that.”

“What’s that got to do with Bang Bang?” I asked the logical question.

“As soon as we saw those flashing lights in the front windows of the bar,” Bethany said, “Bang Bang gathered up every queen in the bar and went out front to greet the cops. They all joined arms and made a can-can line, kicking their heels up and singing show tunes.”

“That made the cops go away?” I laughed. “I don’t believe this story at all.”

“Of course, it didn’t make them go away,” Felix said.

“Nope.” Bethany agreed. “But it gave the rest of us time to go clear the bathrooms out. So, when the cops finally got past the queens and into the bar, everyone was dancing, enjoying their drinks, or otherwise behaving like normal bar patrons. The only person in the bathroom when they checked it out was some kid taking a leak.”

“That was brave of Bang Bang,” I said.

“Sure, it was,” Felix said. “She could’ve gotten herself arrested for interfering in an investigation or something. Any charge those cops wanted to throw at her, I suppose. Between the four of us, I think they were afraid to put a queen in handcuffs and frisk her. They might find something besides a weapon strapped to her.”

Bethany cackled.

“I wouldn’t be shocked if Bang Bang had a weapon on her at all times, actually. At least a straight razor.” I laughed.

“You aren’t kidding,” Bethany said.

Denny was resting his chin on my shoulder, which didn’t make me exactly comfortable, as he listened to the elders tell the story.

“Anyway,” Felix continued, “after that night was over, Bang Bang ended up buying the field behind the bar. You know the one that’s still empty except for that old Airstreamer?”

“Yeah?” Denny and I both responded.

“Well,” Felix grinned, “now any of the boys that want to have a little fun had somewhere to go. It’s a trailer on private property. If they wanna go get their rocks off in a trailer on Bang Bang’s property—in privacy—there ain’t nothing the cops, the City Council—nobody—can do about it.”

“Of course,” Bethany said, “they tried for a few years after she bought the land to search it, but without reports of a crime and a warrant—and no one giving them permission—there was nothing they could do about it.”

“Bang Bang to the rescue!” Felix crowed and pumped a fist in the air.

“She wasn’t going to let some homophobic officials tell the boys they couldn’t slip each other the pickle if they wanted to,” Bethany said. “She made sure that the longstanding tradition in our community of casual sex with strangers in a dark room could continue!”

Bethany and Felix gave each other “high-fives,” which I hadn’t seen anyone do outside of a football stadium in years.