Page 93 of Certified to Handle You 3

Amiri looked beautiful from what I could see outside, but I wasn’t in the mood to stand around takin’ pictures or actin’ like I came here on some regular vacation. My nerves had been fucked up since before I left Greystone, and actually bein’ on the same island as Renza only made everything feel more real.

I got a cab outside and gave the driver the name of my hotel before he put my suitcase in the trunk. When I climbed in the backseat, I sat by the window and watched Amiri pass by while we drove.

There was stretches of clear water that looked almost too blue to be real, lil’ shops along the road and places where people was walkin’ around in comfortable clothes like they ain’t have a care in the world. Every now and then, I caught myself lookin’ harder at somebody we passed before I had to remind myself that Renza could’ve been anywhere.

That was the part that kept messin’ with me ‘cause Renza was somewhere on this same island, and I had no idea how close or far away he was from me. I could’ve passed somewhere he had just left or been sittin’ a few miles from wherever he was stayin’, and I wouldn’t even know it.

By the time I checked into my hotel and got upstairs, I ain’t have enough energy left to do nothin’ else.

The room was nice, and under any other circumstances I probably would’ve walked around lookin’ at everything or gone downstairs to see what was nearby. Instead, I kicked my sandals off, dropped my purse on the table and sat on the edge of the bed with my phone in my hand.

I stayed in the room the rest of the day. I ordered food, took a long shower and changed into one of my oversized T-shirts before gettin’ back in bed. I tried watchin’ TV, but I couldn’t tell you what the hell was on. My mind kept driftin’ every time I heard a car outside or somebody walked past my door. I knew Renza wasn’t about to magically knock on my hotel room, but my body still felt like it was waitin’ on somethin’.

Toni called me that night while I was halfway through the food I ordered.

“How you feel?” She asked when I answered.

“I don’t know,” I told her as I pushed the plate away and laid back against the pillows. “I still can’t believe I’m really here.”

“I knew it wasn’t gon’ hit you until you actually got there,” Toni said. “You been talkin’ about this shit all week, now you there with a nigga you can’t find.”

“That’s what keep fuckin’ with me,” I said. “I keep thinkin’ about how close he could be, and I don’t even know where to start.”

“Don’t start drivin’ yourself crazy tonight,” Toni told me. “You just got there. If I hear anything through ’Lo that can help you, I’ll let you know.”

“I appreciate that.”

Toni was quiet for a second before she asked, “You tried callin’ Renza yet?”

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “My regular number still blocked. That ain’t changed.”

“What about one of them text apps you was usin’ before?”

“I tried two of ’em. I don’t know if it’s this damn reception or what, but every time I call, the shit don’t even ring. It just sit there for a second and cut off.”

I looked down at my phone again like somethin’ might’ve changed since the last time I tried.

“Don’t let that make you lose focus,” Toni said. “You came too far to spend yo’ whole first day sittin’ there callin’ a phone that ain’t ringin’.”

“I know. That’s why I stopped tryin’.”

“You gon’ get out tomorrow?”

“I think so. I can’t keep sittin’ in this room. I’m already makin’ myself nervous.”

“Then go look around,” Toni said. “Eat somewhere, walk around and get a feel for the island. You ain’t gotta find Renza the first day you step outside.”

“I know that too.”

“I’m just sayin’, don’t put all that pressure on yourself.”

“I’m tryna not to.”

Toni stayed on the phone with me a lil’ longer while we talked about regular shit, and I needed that more than I thought I did. By the time we got off the phone, I felt calm enough to finish some of my food and put my phone down without immediately tryin’ another number. I ain’t wanna spend the whole trip cryin’ ‘cause I couldn’t get through to Renza. I needed to keep my head together long enough to actually find him.

Today, I got up earlier than I expected and stood by the window for a while lookin’ outside.

The sun was already bright, and there was people walkin’ around. I showered and slipped into a long white sundress that fell loose around my ankles, then pulled my hair up and grabbed my purse before headin’ downstairs. I still ain’t have no real plan, but I knew I couldn’t stay in the room another full day.