Page 89 of Certified to Handle You 3

“Yeah, but my bank account already mad at me.”

“You ain’t done yet either.”

“I know. Don’t remind me.”

I went back to the flights, and that was where I sat for another twenty minutes comparin’ prices all over again.

The twelve-hundred-dollar option looked good until I started really lookin’ at how long it would take me to get there. The flights that made more sense cost more, and once I added what I needed, the total had climbed enough that I had to put my phone down for a minute.

This was real money. It was damn near all the money I had saved for myself, and I was about to spend a couple thousand dollars ‘cause Renza went to an island I ain’t know existed until today.

“What you thinkin’ about?” Toni asked.

“How bad this shit gon’ hurt if I get all the way over there and that man don’t want me… or I can’t find him.”

Toni ain’t rush to make me feel better with some bullshit answer. “It probably will hurt, Sha’Nelle. But you ain’t goin’ ‘cause somebody promised you he was gon’ take you back. You goin’ ‘cause you know what you want now, and you don’t wanna sit in Greystone wonderin’ if you should’ve fought harder for him.”

I stared down at the flight information while her words sank in.

“I love Renza...”

“I know you do,” Toni said. “And I think you finally understand lovin’ him don’t mean you get to control how this turn out. All you can do is show up right this time and let Renza decide what he wanna do with that.”

My eyes filled with tears, but I wiped ‘em before they could roll down my face.

I looked at the price one more time, and I knew I was done talkin’ myself in circles. I had already spent months wishin’ I could undo shit I couldn’t change. I couldn’t take back every choice that hurt Renza, but I could decide what I did now.

Finally, I booked the flight.

“Toni, I did it.”

“You booked it?”

“Yeah. Hotel and flight both done.”

“Okay, then make sure you keep the rest of yo’ money where it is until you get there. If you need more money, you know I got you. You got somewhere to stay, you got a way there and back, and you ain’t stranded.“

I nodded while lookin’ at both confirmations.

The fear was still here, but it wasn’t enough to make me regret what I just did.

Somewhere in Amiri was the man I loved, and for once there wasn’t another relationship hangin’ over me while I tried to reach for him.

I ain’t know how I was gon’ find Renza when I landed, and I damn sure ain’t know what his face was gon’ look like if I managed to get in front of him. I only knew I loved him enough to spend money I had worked hard to save and travel further than I ever did in my fuckin’ life just for the chance to tell him I was finally ready to give him what I should’ve gave him a long time ago.

Amiri

One week later…

I had been in Amiri for over a week, and most days I ain’t have shit planned when I woke up. That was probably what I liked most about bein’ here.

Back home, it seemed like there was always somewhere I needed to be or somebody callin’ my phone about somethin’. Since I landed, I had been lettin’ myself wake up whenever my body was ready, smoke, eat and figure the rest of the day out whenever I felt like movin’.

The villa I rented sat right over the water with a long patio wrapped around the back of it. The bedroom had glass doors that opened toward the ocean, and most nights I ain’t even bother closin’ the curtains before I went to sleep.

The sun woke me up, and the first thing I saw was blue water stretchin’ further than I could see. There was a private walkway that took me straight down to the beach, so I had spent a lot of mornin’s out there barefoot with a blunt in my hand while the sand was still cool.

I ain’t come to Amiri with no itinerary, but I had done more than I expected since bein’ here.