Page 72 of Certified to Handle You 3

Reni’s mouth curved a lil’, but the smile ain’t last long. She looked down at her nails, then back up at me. “I ain’t expect to see you tonight.”

“I ain’t expect to see you either.”

The truth sat between us after that, and I knew I couldn’t keep standin’ in the hallway actin’ like we was just two people who used to know each other. There was too much history in her face for that. It was too much unsaid shit, too many messages I ain’t answer and too many wrong turns that neither one of us had the energy to dress up tonight.

“You wanna step outside for a minute?” I asked.

Reni studied me for a second, then nodded. “Yeah.”

I turned, and she walked next towards me while we made our way through the crowd. I kept enough space between us that it ain’t look like we was together, but close enough that nobody tried to cut her off from me.

When we got outside, the noise from the club dulled behind the doors, and the warm night air hit my face. Folks was spread out along the walkway, smokin’, talkin’, waitin’ on rides and actin’ like they wasn’t tryna see who was leavin’ with who.

We moved down a lil’ further from the entrance until we had room to talk without everybody bein’ in our mouth.

Reni folded her arms over herself and looked toward the street. “So what you wanna talk about?”

I looked at her for a second before answerin’. “Us. How shit ended.”

Her eyes came back to mine, and I saw that hit her. She swallowed, then looked away again. “That’s a lot to talk about outside a club.”

“I know,” I said. “But I ain’t know when I was gon’ see you again, and I ain’t wanna act like I ain’t owe you an apology.”

Reni got quiet. I rubbed my hand over my mouth and gave myself a second so I ain’t say the wrong shit. This wasn’t the type of apology a nigga could rush through just to clear his own mind. I had done enough of that in my life. I said sorry ‘cause I wanted the tension gone, said it ‘cause I wanted a woman to stop cryin’ or ‘cause I wanted to get back to what felt good. This time, I knew the apology had to sit where the hurt was.

“I’m sorry for how shit ended with us,” I told her. “For real. I know I ain’t handle everything right, and I know me not answerin’ when you was textin’ made it worse.”

Reni’s eyes stayed on the street, but I could see her hands tighten on her arms. “You could’ve said somethin’.”

“I know.”

“You let me sit with what you did by myself.”

I nodded ‘cause she was right. “I did.”

She looked at me then, and her eyes had too much in ’em for me to brush past. “That shit hurt, Renza.”

“I know it did,” I said. “And the shit with me tellin’ another woman somethin’ that belonged to you was wrong. I ain’t say it to hurt you, but it hurt you anyway, and that’s on me. I should’ve never put ya business in nobody else’s mouth.”

Reni looked down fast, and I watched her blink a few times. She ain’t cry, but she was close enough for me to know she hated that I could see it. I stayed quiet and let her have that second ‘cause I ain’t have no right to rush her through feelin’ somethin’ I helped put there.

When she looked back up, she forced a smile that ain’t reach her eyes. “I appreciate you sayin’ that.”

“I mean it.”

“I know,” she said soft. “That’s the crazy part. I know when you mean somethin’.”

I looked at her, and for a second, all that old history came and stood between us like a third person.

Reni had been in my life before shit got as deep as they did somewhere else. We had our own kind of pull, our own fights and our own reasons why shit never stayed good for long. I had cared about her. I had tried with her in the ways I knew how at the time, and I knew some of what broke between us had my fingerprints on it.

Reni took a breath and wiped under one eye with the side of her finger before any tear could fall. Then she lifted her chin like she was pullin’ herself back together. “You can make it up to me by buyin’ me another drink.”

I looked at her for a second, and I knew that sentence was carryin’ more than it said. It was a door, but it wasn’t wide open. It was just cracked enough for both of us to decide if we was gon’ be stupid with it.

“A’ight,” I said.

We went back inside, and the music swallowed us again. I bought Reni another drink at the bar, and when Mecca walked up, she looked between us for a second before her eyes settled on me.