Page 67 of Certified to Handle You 3

Pluto came to me and pulled me into a hug so tight that I had to close my eyes. I held on to her back and tried not to cry harder, but it ain’t work.

I had been fightin’ tears since I woke up. I cried while I brushed my teeth, cried while I folded my clothes and cried while I checked my flight for the third time. But this hug made it too damn real. I was really leavin’. I was really goin’ back to Greystone City with no Renza, no answer and no clue what I was supposed to do with all this love I had nowhere to put.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against her shoulder. “For stayin’ so long and puttin’ all this on you.”

Pluto rubbed my back. “Sha’Nelle, you good, girl. Just pray on this situation. Ask God to guide your heart and show you what to do next. Not what hurts the least, but what’s right.”

That made tears slide down my face all over again.

I nodded against her and pulled back enough to look at her. “Thank you for lettin’ me stay.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” she said, and her voice stayed soft. “Just get home safe. Text me when you land.”

I wiped tears from my eyes and nodded. “I will.”

I wiped my face with my fingers, then grabbed the handle of my suitcase and started toward the front door. Pluto followed behind me, and each step felt heavier than the last.

Outside, one of Pressure’s drivers was already waitin’ beside a black truck with the back door open. The air was warm, and the sun hit my face the second I stepped out, but all I could feel was that ache in my chest.

The driver came forward, took my suitcase from me and lifted it into the trunk while I stood here with my purse on my shoulder, lookin’ back at the mansion.

I hated that I had to leave it. I hated leavin’ ’cause this house was the closest I had been to Renza since he shut me out. His people was here. His blood was here. His life was wrapped around this place even with him stayin’ away from it, and part of me felt like once I got in that truck, I was lettin’ the last piece of him slip out of my hands. I had already lost his voice. I already lost his touch. Now I was leavin’ the island that held him, and I ain’t know when I would ever be back.

Pluto hugged me one more time beside the truck.

“Call me if you need me,” she said.

“I am,” I told her, even though I knew I had to stop needin’ everybody else to hold me up. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I got into the backseat before I could make it harder than it already was. The driver closed the door, and I looked through the window as Pluto stood there with her arms folded over herself, watchin’ the truck pull away. I kept my eyes on her until the driveway curved and I couldn’t see her no more. Then I turned toward the window and let the tears fall quiet.

The ride to the airport felt longer than it should’ve.

I watched Trill-Land pass by through tinted glass, and every street looked like another place I had failed to find Renza.

I saw restaurants, shops, men standin’ outside buildings, women walkin’ with bags on they arms, kids laughin’ near a fountain, and all of it made my heart hurt worse.

This island had a pulse to it. It had pride in the way the buildings stood, the way people moved, the way everybody seemed to belong to somethin’ bigger than themselves. Renza belonged here.

My phone buzzed in my purse, and I already knew it wasn’t Renza before I looked.

Couture’s name sat on the screen, and my stomach twisted for a whole different reason. I had been answerin’ him with dry texts when I had the energy, and givin’ him just enough to keep him from callin’ everybody and askin’ questions I ain’t wanna answer.

At this point, I knew he was suspicious. How could he not be? I had left Greystone, barely talked to him, and every time he asked when I was comin’ home, I gave him some half answer that ain’t even sound like me. But I couldn’t carry his confusion right now. I couldn’t carry his worry, his questions or that future I had said yes to while my heart was somewhere else.

I turned the phone facedown on my lap and looked back out the window.

At the airport, the driver got my suitcase from the trunk and walked it inside for me. I thanked him, checked in for my flight and went through TSA with my body movin’ on its own.

Everybody around me was movin’ with somewhere to go, and I was too, but it ain’t feel the same. They looked like they were headin’ toward vacations, business was, homecomings and people waitin’ with signs or open arms. I was headin’ back to a city where I had to face everything I tried to outrun.

When I made it through, I found a bar near my gate and sat down with my purse in my lap. I ordered a drink without lookin’ too hard at the menu, then sat here with my boardin’ pass tucked inside my suitcase by my leg.

The bartender set the glass in front of me, and I wrapped my hand around it, lettin’ the cold sit against my palm before I took a sip.

It burned a lil’, but a bitch needed that.