Page 38 of Certified to Handle You 3

“Renza,” Kay’Lo said. “‘Nelle at my damn house. She wanna talk to you.”

My whole body went still while I waited.

I heard Renza’s voice in the background, low but clear enough to cut straight through me.

“Nah.”

That one word burned so bad I almost slid off the stool. My hand flew to the edge of the island, and Toni’s eyes jumped to mine. I ain’t cry. I ain’t make no sound, but inside, it felt like my heart had dropped out of my body and hit the floor in front of both of us.

Kay’Lo came back to the phone. “He don’t wanna talk.”

Toni stared at the phone like she wanted to climb through it. “Kay’Lo.”

“What, Toni?” he asked. “You told me to ask him, and I asked. He said no.”

I blinked fast and looked toward the ceilin’ ‘cause tears had started pushin’ up behind my eyes. I had flown across an ocean with almost nothin’ but my hope, and Renza ain’t even wanna hear my voice.

Kay’Lo kept goin’. “And when I get home, I’m gettin’ on you about this shit too.”

Toni laughed, but it ain’t have no humor in it. “Nigga, do what you gotta do then. I’ll be here when you get home.”

“A’ight then,” Kay’Lo said.

Before Toni could say some more slick shit, he hung up in her face.

For a second, me and Toni just sat here in the kitchen with the speaker screen gone dark between us. She was mad, I was hurt, and both of us was sittin’ inside a house full of Mensah energy while the niggas we loved acted like they had the final say over whether our hearts got to breathe or not.

Toni picked up her glass and took a drink before settin’ it down a lil’ harder than she needed to. “I’mma beat his ass.”

I let out a weak laugh even though my eyes was full. “You not beatin’ Kay’Lo ass.”

“I might,” she said. “He hung up in my damn face.”

I looked down at my phone, then swallowed hard.

“He said nah,” I whispered.

Toni’s face softened, but she ain’t rush to lie to me. She ain’t tell me Renza ain’t mean it or that he was gon’ come around in five minutes. She only reached across the island and grabbed my hand.

“I know,” she said.

I nodded and wiped under my eye before the tear could fall all the way. “I thought if I came here, he would at least look at me.”

Toni squeezed my hand. “He might still.”

“But what if he don’t?” I asked, and my voice cracked enough to make me hate myself. “What if I lost him for real, Toni?”

She ain’t answer right away ‘cause there wasn’t no easy answer to give me. The house felt too quiet around us, and somewhere down the hall, I could hear My’Love laughin’ with the nanny like the whole world wasn’t fallin’ apart in the kitchen.

I looked toward the stove and tried to breathe through the ache in my chest. I had made it to Trill-Land, but Renza still felt far away. He was close enough for Kay’Lo to turn his head and ask him a question, but he was far enough from me that one word had shut the whole island down.

I picked up my glass and took another sip ‘cause my hands needed somethin’ to do besides shake.

Toni watched me with her own hurt all over her face. She was caught between her husband and her cousin, and I hated that I had dragged her into the middle of it. Still, she ain’t move away from me. She stayed right here at that island like she was ready to take whatever came through the door when Kay’Lo got home.

I sat here with her, feelin’ the weight of Renza’s ‘nah’ settle deep inside me, and for the first time since I got on that plane, I realized comin’ here ain’t mean I was brave.

It meant I had finally got desperate enough to stop runnin’.