Page 87 of Seein’ Red

I just want to stand here and pretend this isn’t happening. That the life I thought I was about to live when I woke up this morning isn’t gone in an instant.

The family I thought I was about to have didn’t evaporate like smoke.

The hurt taking over tells me I was in this a lot further than I realized. Wanted this more than I was willing to admit. But who wouldn’t? It was a chance to have everything my teenage heart had dreamed of. The man my teenage heart had loved.

Nash…

The toilet flushes, pulling me out of my thoughts. I need to get out of the bathroom. It’s weird that I’m still in here. I’m sure everyone is wondering where I got to.

Everyone.

Everyone is here. All our friends. Who now I have to go face. Who I have to tell that I’m not pregnant.

But that can wait. Today is about sending off Dustin and Kenzie. The Wilders. Once we get them on their honeymoon, I’ll deal with the rest of this. For now, I just need to put on a happy face.

Reaching down deep, I find the ability to move, slipping out of the bathroom. That happy face is going to need work, but I can do this. I think.

Until I see Nash.

“There you are!” he says, walking toward me as I weave my way through the tables again. “Starting to think you fell in.”

I stop, trying to breathe as I take him in. But I can’t. All the oxygen has been sucked from the air, my lungs screaming. He looks so perfect in those old, faded jeans and black Rhythm and Brews tee. Relaxed, happy, and effortlessly sexy.

Memories that we’ll never make flash before me—Christmas mornings, lost teeth, training wheels, and first days of school. Nash walking around with a baby strapped to his chest, prouder than a peacock showing off. Little voices calling him Daddy and me Mommy.

Watching Nash Keller become a dad was going to be so much fun.

Now I have to let him go.

The realization is a punch to the gut. I want to throw up all over again thinking about it. But I don’t see another outcome.

He’s told me all week that we’re in this together. But this was the pregnancy. Since I’m not pregnant, there isn’t a this to be in. There is no us. Because there never was an us. Just two people using each other to get off as needed. And there is no way we can go back to that after a pregnancy scare.

I look up at Nash. For a second I let myself get lost in his brown eyes, wishing I could stay there. Wishing that I didn’t have to tell him what I have to tell him. That this news wasn’t going to change everything. That I wasn’t going to lose him.

Fuck, who would have thought the thing that would have brought me to my knees was the idea of losing Nash Keller.

“Willa,” Nash says, stepping in close. His brow is furrowed as he looks me up and down, like he’s checking for a wound. “What’s the matter?”

I shake my head, unable to find it in me to answer. The little birdie on my shoulder reminds me that I should be happy. That I didn’t want to be pregnant. That this is a blessing because getting knocked up by the man I’ve been hate fucking was not the plan.

And yet, I’m still gutted.

“Willa,” Nash says again, concern in his voice. “Did something happen? Are you okay?”

I nod. “I’m fine.”

Sucking in a breath, I square my shoulders. I got this. If I can deal with years of pageant bullshit and smiling even when I didn’t mean it, I can break it off with a man who was only with me because we thought our birth control failed. Feelings—especially ones I don’t understand—play no part in this.

“Great even,” I continue. “And good news for you. I’m not pregnant.”

24

NASH

The whole world slams to a sudden halt.

Squinting at her, I tune out the background noise of our friends laughing at the bar. There’s no way I heard her correctly. It sounded like she said she’s not pregnant.