Page 21 of Home Ice

“He’s on the high school team. It’s … obvious where he gets his talent from.”

“What’s he like?”

I almost laugh because now that I think about it, I don’t know how I wasn’t sure the whole time. The similarities between them are uncanny, but time has a way of making things murky, and the possibility was too far-fetched. I didn’t even know Carly was his mother, but now that I do, the surname Delany rings a bell. “He’s a lot like you. Stubborn, hardworking, has this instinct for hockey like he was born to play it. Keeps most of what he’s thinking locked up tight, but the whole team loves him.” I give Hawke a rueful smile. “He’s smart too. Obviously got that from Carly.” Hawke almost smiles back. “Top grades in most of his classes. He stays back after training every afternoon and skates while everyone else leaves.”

“I want to know him,” Hawke says like he can’t hold it in anymore. “And no one’s giving me a chance.”

The whine in his voice is so unlike the Hawke I remember. “Since when do you wait for permission?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know it’s been a long time, but the Hawke I knew did what he wanted when he wanted it. That shithead might be buried now, but it’s still you.”

“You think I should force my way into his life and ignore everyone else? You sound like your dad.”

I shrug. “He’s a smart man.”

“He is …” Hawke’s arms are still crossed, but his tone has lost the edge it had before. I don’t know what this is, and I know we’re a long way from a friendly conversation, but I have to hope this is, well, something. A truce, maybe.

A tentative understanding that I fucked up, but I never meant to hurt him. Even though I did.

“I’m sorry,” comes out before I’ve completely thought it through. “It just occurred to me that I didn’t say that part yet. I am really sorry for blowing you off, Hawke. Looking back now, it’s obvious where I went wrong, but I know if I was back there, I’d make all the same mistakes. I don’t want you to think it was anything you did. It was all me. And I really, really am sorry.”

His arms drop to his sides, which could easily be a sign of forgiveness or a sign that he doesn’t care about this conversation anymore. “Okay. Thanks.”

“And if you need any help with Kasen, just ask.”

He nods, slowly, but doesn’t answer.

I know I need to get back to the class, but I also don’t want to end things this way. Short of begging for his forgiveness though, I’m all out of ideas. I’ve explained, I’ve apologized, and now I have to face the result of the decisions that I made.

And it’s never been more obvious than now, standing a few feet from him, how much I fucked up.

Because I miss my friend so much it hurts.

“Thank you for finally explaining,” he says, and it feels like the flimsiest life raft he’s offering our friendship.

But he’s still offering it.

“Kasen will be here later,” I tell him, not sure if this breaches some kind of privacy thing, but Hawke is his dad.

“Today?”

“Yeah, he’s booked in. With everything going on, there’s a chance he might not show, but⁠—”

“He’ll show.”

“You sound confident?”

Hawke thinks it through. “You said he’s like me. When I was hurting, all I wanted to do was play.” He finally meets my eyes, and even bloodshot, those hazel eyes are exactly how I remember them. Sitting side by side on the hood of my shitty old car, down by the lake, nothing but the stars keeping us company as we talked about the future.

“I stopped playing after you left,” I confess.

“I was the opposite.” His expression tightens, and he finally pushes away from the wall. “I never played harder in my life.”

Chapter Seven

JENSEN