Page 104 of Home Ice

“It was never your damn nipple,” I say, and Barrett laughs wetly. When he glances up, his eyes are shiny for the second time today, only this time, I have no desire to tease him for it.

I run my thumb under his eye. “Why did you have to say anything?”

“Because it might be my last chance to get what I want.”

I don’t want to say it. Don’t want to let the words out because what’s the point? What can actually happen here? But when I lean forward, I can’t bring myself to kiss him. Not yet. Not when I might not want to say it, but I need to.

“I love you,” I whisper. “Don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

Barrett closes the distance between us, and as soon as his lips meet mine, I know, right down to my goddamn toes, that I’m fucked.

We’re right back where we were ten years ago. Obsessed.

Now I’m going to leave again.

And this time, we know he’s not coming with me.

Fear infects my gut as I think about this ending in silence and total confusion, knowing that I barely got through it the first time. Being doomed to face it a second time?

I can’t.

I won’t.

But I already know I don’t have a choice.

Chapter Thirty-Four

TAI

Ifelt like a fucking loser the second I got the words out, but Hawke being Hawke just rolled with it.

Make love? Who the fuck even says that? I don’t know what took over me, but the words happened, and they felt right.

Especially now that I’ve said how I feel out loud.

And he said it back.

Maybe it was presumptuous of me, but I never doubted that he felt the same. Not when I can feel it. Not when our bodies are constantly pulled closer, no matter where we are or what we’re doing.

He makes my heart ache. Maybe the reason I cut contact was never jealousy at all. Maybe it’s because when I lost him, it was like my heart fractured into a thousand tiny pieces, and I was too busy trying to keep them contained. It’s taken me ten years to find all the shards and put myself back together, and now I’m in danger of it happening all over again.

Hawke gets back from saying good night to Kasen, and he freezes partway through the door. I’m naked, lying in the middle of his bed, fingers already spreading myself open because I can’t wait to get this started.

He closes and locks the door.

“I was not expecting to walk in and see this.”

“Lucky you.” I pull my fingers out slowly and push them in again. “I went through your drawers.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, tugging at his tie as he kicks off his shoes. “What did you find?”

I hold up the little remote with my free hand. “Something I want inside you while you fuck me.”

Hawke’s darkened gaze drops to the little vibrator at my side as he works open his buttons. “I thought I was making love to you?”

“Do whatever you want to me as long as you hurry the hell up.”

He laughs, shrugging his shirt from his shoulders and starting on his pants. “It’s not fair, you had a head start.”