Page 103 of Home Ice

The wedding is fucking awesome though. I keep checking in with Barrett and Kasen to make sure they’re having a good time. The food is awesome, the music is great, and when it’s time to dance, I don’t hesitate to steal Barrett away.

There are already a lot of couples on the dance floor, and I tug him close when we get there.

“Do I have to remind you that this isn’t a nightclub in Montreal?” he asks.

I laugh and settle my hands on his hips. “I can behave.”

“You haven’t managed to prove that yet.”

It’s not my fault that Barrett is hot as fuck and he’s given me permission to get naked with him whenever I want. “We could argue that it’s your fault. You knew what you were doing with that sex offer.”

“Yeah …” Some of the amusement slides from his face as his eyes study mine. “Glad I did it though.”

The confession lights up something in my chest. “Glad you did too. Like, really glad. It’s been amazing.”

“It has. Which is good. Because I’m ninety percent sure your team thinks I’m your secret boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend,” I choke out, fighting the way that word grips me. “Imagine.”

“Weird, right?”

I’m supposed to agree. It is weird. Because he’s my best friend, and then he wasn’t, and now he is again. Only we’re also sleeping together, and when we do that, he doesn’t feel like a friend anymore. My feelings go deeper than friendship, and I’ve gotten good at ignoring it, but then he went and said the word boyfriend, and now everything I’ve tried to ignore is flooding over me. “No.”

“Hawke?”

“It’s not weird.”

His hands tighten on my shoulders. “Are we still talking about the same thing?”

“I don’t think us being boyfriends would be weird at all.”

He stares at me for a long moment, where my lungs are struggling to work and I question if I even said all that out loud. “Honestly … I think you’d be the best boyfriend I ever had.” His lips tighten, and all I want is to push for him to say more. To suggest that maybe we take this thing we can both feel growing and see what we can make of it, but we’re facing the exact same wall.

He lives in Watesburg.

I live here.

And he might have been able to get away for the weekend, but he can’t leave his dad longer than that.

For the first time since I’ve moved to St. Louis, my dream doesn’t feel so complete. I have hockey, I have the dream house and car, I travel and have a solid group of friends.

My life was complete.

But when I glance over at where Kasen is dancing with one of Zemidov’s nieces, it’s like I can feel my life fracturing.

How can it be complete without Barrett and Kasen in it?

“Tai—”

“Nope.” He strokes my cheek, and I lean into the touch. “We’re dancing. Then you’re going to kiss me. And when we get home after the wedding, and we’re in your room alone … I want you to … to make love to me. Okay?”

“You …”

Barrett leans forward, forehead resting on my shoulder. “Come on, Hawke. I’ve loved you since before I knew what love was.”

His words absolutely kill me. When I think back, all the way back, at our closeness and how it was always me and him, I can feel it there too. If I was skating, I wanted him by my side. If I was at a party, he was always the one I looked for. If something good happened. Or bad happened. Or anything happened, it was him I shared it with.

And if he’d never abandoned me, that wouldn’t have changed. Because how many people lose contact with their friend and feel like their chest has been carved open and exposed?