Page 16 of Hard to Love

“Why are you trembling, Thayer?” Not sure why I’m asking. Her face flushes before she closes her eyes. After a minute, she throws her arm over her face before taking a sated breath. Once done, she lays her hand on my face and replies simply.

“I want you—this. I love you. I’m not foolhardy; I know what I want. You being the only man to make love to me should show you how much I want this, us.” Conviction riddles her words as they vibrate with nervousness.

I realize what’s been said, but I can’t rationalize the words. I’m utterly humbled and relatively shocked. Rattled, my body now trembles from her revelation. Thayer declares she loves me, but I’m undeserving of it. Moreover, I’m dumbfounded by her admission.

“Thayer, are you telling me that you’re a virgin?” I’m not sure what she hears or if the expression on my face reads differently than what I’m feeling, but she doesn’t see what I’m trying to say.

“Are you kidding me right now? Seriously, Hardy?” Moving so quickly, she barely gives me time to move. Jumping from the bed, she forces a robe over her body. Snatching her arm from me before I could take it. I throw my hands up in defense.

“Hey, wait. You’ve got this all wrong. I’m just… Thayer, you’ve stunned me.” Pleading with her to understand. She clearly doesn’t.

“I get it. Don’t worry about it, Hardy. I assumed this was something more. I’m not fucking you because the blonde bimbo left you in need. Get the fuck out,” she seethes her words at me before I can even rectify my reaction.

“Thayer. I’m sorry, I can’t.” No other words will form; I’m at a total loss for anything that will explain my feelings. Turning away from me, she takes a deep breath. I’m optimistic she’s hoping to clear her glassy eyes.

“Go.” Thayer leaves the room. Shortly after, I hear a door close. She doesn’t slam the damn door; she closes it.

Standing up from the bed, I grab my jeans, dragging them up my legs. Discarding the unused condom before snatching my shirt off the floor. I don’t even take the time to put my shoes on before walking out. Slamming the door behind me, I tighten the lid down on my emotions. This is totally fucked up.

Firing my truck up, I leave my tires on the street, probably waking the entire neighborhood. What the fuck do I care? Goddamn it. What is she thinking, not telling me something like that? Fuck that. Her family would have never approved of me anyway. Let’s just be honest here; she’s better off without me.

Who am I trying to fool? I want her. Fuck, do I need her. But it’s done now; I’m not the man she needs. I’ll never be. She’s better off without me; she just doesn’t know it yet. She’ll learn, and when she does, she’ll understand. We never had a chance. In my past, her upbringing, we would’ve never made it through. She might not have survived.

Finishing off my last beer, I sit on my porch, watching the ocean. It’s late, there’s work tomorrow. If she’s not on-site, she’ll be next door. So close, still untouchable. I haven’t slept at all. One continues to message me; at one point, he even called. I can’t dodge him for long. Fuck my life. I don’t even remember coming home last night. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Her eyes find me every time I close mine. I can feel her under me, on my fingers. Taste her on my lips. Shit, I haven’t even showered; I want to keep smelling like her. I can’t explain why I reacted the way I did; I just did. Fuck, I know why, but to hell with telling her. Maybe I should? Maybe if she knows everything, she’ll see the truth. The ugly truth about Hardison Casey Turner, the fact that I destroy anything good.

Thayer thinks it’s so easy to fall in love like a fucking romance novel when she has no fucking clue. She’s a goddamn virgin, and she’s telling me she loves me. Yeah, I could’ve lied to the girl and fucked her, walked away without ever looking back. Is that what she wanted, needed? Did she want to be used? Well, if she keeps up the shit she’s been doing; lately, it’ll happen soon enough.

Perfect example, One himself said she’s been acting out of character. Look what the fuck she did at the club a few weeks back. Needless to say, what she almost did last night. Who the fuck does she think she is? Fucking ignorant ass, she’s a child trying to make adult decisions. She needs to grow the fuck up, damn it.

Walking into the kitchen, I grab a glass and search the fridge for my whiskey. Pouring a tall glass, I sip it slowly, thinking of her. All I’ve done since I met her is think of her. Fuck me. I have to stop this shit. I can’t do it; I won’t. She’ll not pull me in any further; I’m done. It’s time Thayer sees who I really am. It’s for her own good.

Chapter Ten

Thayer

Pulling myself together, I slip from the seat of my truck. Thank fuck, asshole isn’t here yet. I haven’t slept, I look like walking shit, so I prefer not to see him today or ever. But that’s unlikely, seeing as he works with my brother. I wrestle the keys to my office door from my bag when I hear tires screeching on the other end of the parking lot.

Glancing up from my task, I see a blonde bimbo driving a red mini cooper with that fucking asshat in the passenger seat. I know he didn’t leave me to go back to her, mother fucker. I’m done with him, fuck him.

Twisting the key, I jiggle it, hoping the door will release so I can get in before he gets out. I peek back up to see where he is. Mother fucking asshole. What the hell? He’s practically allowing her to fuck him there in the parking lot. She’s over in the passenger seat, straddling him, sucking his fucking face off.

I’m so pissed, standing there with my mouth open, trying to form an appropriate response to his fucking nonsense. Nothing comes close to what needs to be said. I drop my keys when he looks over her shoulder. I fumble getting them. When I finally stand back up, he’s standing beside me. Smirking his ass off. Son of a bitch.

“May I?” he asks. The fuck, I’d let him do a damn thing for me.

Glaring at him until he takes a step back, I turn, opening my door. I refuse to acknowledge or speak to him. Once inside, I fall against my door, doing my best to hold myself together. I guess he has what he wants; he’s certainly made that clear. More than once, I might add.

I never imagined Hardy running from anything, but I suppose commitment is too much for some. So I need to shake him off and get on with my day. My first account with my brother on-site; I need to make sure everything is ready to go. Flipping the lights on in the office, I get to work. No time for self-pity and no time for Hardy.

One texts me before they head out to the site. I’m a little nervous, but get my shit together and get going. Once on the job, I keep myself busy, avoiding Hardy at all costs. The day passes swiftly, and I have no more run-ins with the asshole, chalking my first day up as a perfect day. Back at the office, I make a few adjustments to my order for tomorrow. As I’m turning off my laptop, One walks through my door.

“Hey, Tay. Wanna get some dinner?” He’s leaning against the door with his phone in his hand.

“Are we going together, or is that thing going to go off all evening?” I ask, nodding at his phone. His eyes snap up, and I smile wide. Gets him every time.

“No, just us. Scouts honor.” He smirks as he shoves his phone into his pocket. I snarl at him when he laughs.