Page 60 of Lucky 14

There’s a thud, then a cry. “You’re a goddamn liar!”

I didn’t draw that picture. I don’t want to look at it again. I want to keep floating away from my body.

“You fuck!” Nellie is screaming now. “Don’t hit her!”

The sound is so loud it hurts my ears. I peek my eyes open. Nellie is swinging on Dad, hair messy, screaming, “And don’t fucking drown your son!”

That’s it. It’s too much. I close my eyes again and totally float away.

I’m not sure how long I float. Sometimes the floating gets close to feeling things, but I’m able to stay in the nothing. It’s weird. Myself and nothing together in a lonely dance. In a safe dance.

At some point, the floating turns so spinny that I realize my body is moving. I peek my eyes open to see Nellie carrying me. She looks down at me with her blue eyes. Blue like her mom's, not like Dad’s. Then, I’m tired again.

When I come back to my body, Nellie is tucking me into bed. She has a big red spot around her eye. Like Mom used to get.

That makes a yucky feeling move in my stomach and chase the floating away.

“Shhh.” Nellie tucks me into warm blankets. “Take this.”

I open my eyes again to see her giving me a pill.

Immediately, that yucky feeling gets bigger. “No,” I say, but it hurts to talk.

“It’ll make it feel better,” Nellie says.

Better? I clear my throat. “Warm?”

“You have blankets.”

I want to be warm and far away again. Warm and surrounded by blue water. The same color as Nellie’s eyes.

“Take this. Before I do.” Nellie closes my hand around the pill, then hands me a pop can. It’s already open.

Nellie is usually bossy, not nice. But today she was. Today, she stood up to Dad.

My stomach sinks. I’m not sure what I know, but I do know this: Dad shouldn’t hit girls. No one should hit girls.

I know what this pill is. It’s Erin’s stuff. She takes these pills, and she always gets this floaty look on her face. Maybe it’ll help?

So I take it.

I close my eyes again, safe in the nothingness. Nothing can happen when I float. It’ll be safe. I’ll be safe. If I can just feel nothing, I’ll be safe. Because she helped me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Day 4

I’m not sure what happens to Kyan. His whole body gets tense, and he just…freezes, staring at the wall like he can’t see it.

I freeze too, the heat from the alcohol suddenly making me sweat. I did something wrong. I shouldn’t have defied him. Shouldn’t have told him he can’t have Holland. Suddenly, I’m a kid again, staring at the house phone, waiting to see if Jeremy will call.

I pull in a breath, trying to get my alcohol-ridden thoughts under control.

Kyan kissed me.

Blowing out a breath, a sudden wave of heat drops over my head.

Kyan doesn’t even blink.