Page 59 of Lucky 14

“What the fuck is this?” His words are coming from between his teeth, and spit flies out of his mouth. For a split second, I’m washed in freezing cold air. It prickles down my arms and legs, and I shiver in the water.

He throws the folder at Erin and comes at me. His twisted, red face is all I see before his hands are on me, then he’s shoving me under the water. I’m under again, but it’s not peaceful. There’s splashing and bubbles, and his hands are digging into my shoulders and head. There’s yelling, but I can’t hear what he’s saying. I just swim, trying to get away from him.

My heart pounds, and I try to breathe underwater like I was before. But I can’t. It doesn’t feel good this time. This time, my chest burns like someone lit a match and I swallowed it.

Still, Dad doesn’t let go.

There’s more shouting. My movements slow, and I try to force myself to be still. To find that calm numbness I had earlier.

Dad isn’t letting me breathe. I try to take a real breath and immediately choke. This isn’t the kind of breathing I was supposed to do. For a second, cold fear washes over me.

Finally, that warm peace starts to set in.

Dad’s going to kill me. But the water washes over the hurt and comforts it. Washes it away. Leaves me with nothing.

Quiet.

Then, that wet hug is ripped away. I think I’m out of the water because the cold is back. Screwing my eyes shut, I just curl up further into myself. If I stay in that underwater place, nothing can touch me. I can’t feel anything.

But something is fighting me. It starts with something that sounds like thud, thud, thud. Then I feel something against my back. Then that fire lights in my lungs again.

No. No, I don’t want to feel this.

The thudding continues, then my stomach twists, a drop of heat washes over me, and I know I’m going to throw up. Ripping my eyes open, I puke into the dirt.

Dirt?

I keep puking up water.

“You almost killed him!”

The yelling is loud. Why are they being so loud? And now my head hurts. It pounds, and my chest burns, and suddenly, I need to breathe.

“What is this?”

“I don’t fucking know!”

“What is this?”

I’m rolled over, and I blink up at the sky, trying to pull in breath after breath. At first, all I can register is the smell of cigarettes.

There’s more yelling, and it hurts my ears. Slowly, I realize Dad’s here as well as Erin. I also hear Nellie. Nellie is older than me and mean. But right now, she’s screaming at Dad. Dad just screams back, then waves a paper at me. “You trying to get the cops called on us, son?”

I stare at the sky. As I focus on the bright blue and only that, I realize I can make the pain in my body go away. Just the sky.

Then, paper is waved in my face. “Explain yourself!”

I blink, staring at it. It’s a drawing of what looks like a stick-figure kid lying down. The kid has Xs for eyes, and there’s a lot of red coming from between its legs. In the background, there are what look like two monsters, big and dark colored, with big teeth and huge shadows.

The drawing makes me scared for some reason. I move my eyes back to the sky. The sky kinda looks like water. Like deep water. I wonder what it would feel like to swim in it?

“I knew it!” There’s a sharp pain in my side, and I groan, curling up.

“Don’t kick him!” Erin is screaming. I peek out from behind my eyes and see her laying into Dad, a finger in his face.

“Why’s your name on this, boy?”

That’s not mine. “I didn’t,” I say, closing my eyes again. Behind my eyes looks like dark water. It feels kinda like swimming. Like I’m not in my body anymore. It’s the best feeling.