Page 11 of Liberating Lily

She wanted to believe his words, but there was such anger in his tone, and she wasn’t sure if it was aimed at her.

Nothing good happened when someone was angry at her. That much she knew.

“I’m going to touch you now, okay?” he asked. “I just want to check your hands.”

Check her hands? Why would he need to check her hands? She glanced down at her hands to see she’d scratched the top of them with her fingernails.

Oh, she hated when she did that.

It was alarming that she couldn’t feel the pain, even though she knew at some stage it would hit her. But right now, she felt nothing at all.

He reached out slowly, which was surprising. Most of the time, people just did what they wanted to her. However, he was taking care of her emotional state.

Lily wished she could work out why.

But she couldn’t let him touch her. Not yet. Lily pulled her hands away and braced herself, waiting for his anger to lash out at her.

When nothing happened, she peeked up at him.

He was staring down at her with a strange expression on his face. He looked worried, but that couldn’t be right.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you scared of me?”

Of course she was scared of him. He’d basically kidnapped her. She didn’t have her pills. Mother was going to be furious that she’d left. Harvey wanted to touch her. And there was a part of her that longed to let him.

What was going on with her?

“You’re angry,” she whispered.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I am angry.”

Which is why she didn’t want him to touch her. If he touched her while angry, he’d hurt her, wouldn’t he?

That’s how it had always worked with Mother.

Lily didn’t want to be like her mother. Sometimes she was scared that that’s who she’d turn into. That was part of the reason she liked the numb. Because she knew she wouldn’t feel rage. She knew she wouldn’t be able to harm anyone.

“But I’m not angry at you, Lily,” he told her.

She gave him a skeptical look. Who else would he be angry with? They were the only ones here. It made no sense.

“I’m not angry at you, Lily. I’m angry at your mother. I’m angry at whoever told you that you were ill and gave you those pills that you think you need. I’m angry that you got so upset that you hurt yourself.”

Hurt herself? What was he talking about?

He nodded down at her hands.

Oh, he meant the scratches on her hands? They didn’t hurt, though.

“These don’t hurt. They’re fine. I’m not hurting myself. And the doctor told me I needed the pills for my nervous system. Because I get wound up. I lash out. I cause problems. I hurt . . . someone.” She tried to think back, but she wasn’t sure who she hurt. “Who did I hurt? Harvey, who did I hurt? What did I do? Why do I need the pills? I don’t understand what is going on!”

Lily was finding it hard to catch her breath, her heart was racing, and she couldn’t seem to think clearly.

All she knew was that there was something in her past that was locked away and she couldn’t access it.

“I’m so confused. I don’t think I belong here. I don’t think I should be here with you!”

What if she hurt Harvey? She wasn’t sure that they’d ever spent that long together. But whenever she had seen him, he’d been so kind to her, so nice.