Page 10 of Liberating Lily

“I don’t remember,” she said, feeling ashamed. How could she not remember what was wrong with her?

She should know that, right?

“You don’t remember why you take those pills?” Harvey asked. “Or what they are?”

“No, but I know I need them.”

“But why do you need them? What symptoms do you have, Lily?”

She couldn’t remember . . . wait, no. Yes, she did know.

“I suffer from anxiety, and I get easily stressed. When that happens, I have blowouts. Oh, it’s my central nervous system! It gets overloaded.”

There. That was the problem.

He stared at me thoughtfully. “Blowouts? What kind of blowouts? Why does your central nervous system get overloaded?”

Why did he keep asking so many questions? And why was her memory so patchy? She rubbed her forehead before smacking it with the palm of her hand. Frustration filled her, and she started to feel out of control, her heart racing, her palms sweating.

“Hey, Lily. Lily, stop that. You’re going to hurt yourself. Stop!”

Harvey’s voice was firm, all command, but she couldn’t stop herself. Frustration flowed through her, and the numb receded slightly.

No, she couldn’t do this. She needed the numb to control herself. And to have the numb, she needed those pills.

Why had he taken her?

Why did you let him?

It was scary that she hadn’t even put up a protest. She just let him take her. What did he intend to do with her? What if he hurt her?

No one even knew where she was. And if they did, would they care?

Part of her hoped that Clem would, but that wasn’t really fair. No doubt Clem hated her.

Hated her for her weakness. God knew Lily hated herself for it.

“I need my pills,” she cried. “I’m not well, I need them. Please!”

“Lily, you’re fine. You don’t need your pills. Stop hurting yourself.”

He tried to grab hold of her hands, and she cried out, flinching away from him.

Did he have a needle? Was he going to hurt her?

“Please don’t. Please don’t,” she cried. “I don’t want it. I don’t want it.”

“Don’t want what?” Harvey asked. “Lily, what is going on? What do you think I’m going to do to you?”

“I don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to. No needle. No needle. I want to stay awake. Don’t hurt me. Don’t. Don’t.”

“Nobody’s going to put you to sleep. Nobody is going to hurt you, and there is no needle. Look at my hands. No needle.”

He held his hands up, and she stared at him frantically, her heart pounding and her breathing fast.

There was nothing in his hands, but Lily had learned that people could play tricks on her.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Lily. And I am sure as hell not going to let anyone else harm you. No needles. No going to sleep.”