Page 64 of Fame & Chaos

“I know,” I reply cockily.

She turns around to face me and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling our bodies close.

I tense.

I don’t do the after sex cuddling shit.

She leans in and kisses me, and I kiss her back briefly and then peel her arms from around my neck and take a step back. She looks at me and furrows her brows as I look away from her and pull the dirty condom off, throwing it over to the buffet.

“That was amazing, Caleb,” she says.

“Yep.” I walk over to her coat and pick it up, holding it out for her.

She looks at me and furrows her brows. “You want me to get dressed already?” she asks, trying to sound sexy like she wants to go another round. But this was always only going to be a one-and-done thing for me.

“Yeah, thanks, that was great.”

She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest like she’s trying to protect herself. “Are you kicking me out?” she asks with an offended overtone.

“Yeah, I’m heaps tired, hey.”

She scoffs, moves across, pulls on her coat, and does it up. “Well, when can I see you again?”

“Look, this was great and all, but I’m going to be really busy with my band. We’re kicking things up a notch, so I don’t have time for anything serious at the moment,” I say and turn around and start the walk to the front door, then open it, even though I’m still naked.

She opens her mouth wide and scowls at me. “Well, I don’t want anything serious either. What about you call me when you need a little fix?” she asks, and I burst out laughing, her head jolting back in offense.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just this thing you want to happen between us? It’s never going to happen. As I said, this was great and all, and thanks for helping me relieve some tension, but that is all this was. I’m not in this for casual hookups or anything else, for that matter. Especially not with you,” I say.

She glares at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, Angel, that I know you want to use me to gain a higher celebrity status, but I do not like being played with, and you as a person, well, you’re not too high on my girl-I-want-to-marry radar, if you know what I mean. Sure, this was fun, and your pussy is amazing, nice and tight, but it’s not somewhere I want to visit again.”

She scoffs and picks up a statue of a guitar and throws it at me, grunting loudly as she does. I duck, and it hits the door and falls to the floor. Luckily, it doesn’t break.

“You’re an asshole!” she says, storming up to me angrily.

“And you’re a slut, but you don’t see me complaining.”

She slaps me hard across the face, and I smile as she continues past me and out the door.

“Have a nice life, Angel,” I call out as she rushes down the stairs to get away from me.

“Fuck off,” she yells back.

I half-laugh and shut the door.

“Well, thank fuck for that,” I say to myself and pick up my clothes and the used condom and make my way into my bedroom. I dump my clothes on the bed on my way through and throw the condom into the bin, and then move to the en-suite for a shower. I set the temperature control to 39 degrees Celsius and turn on the shower. I step in and let the hot water cascade over my tired body.

Don’t get me wrong, I regret the way I treated Angel. It’s just… I needed the release, and then I needed her gone. I wanted to be alone afterward, and now, resting my head against the cold glass window, I realize I’ve been alone ever since Indi left me six years ago.

She’s the reason I turned into this fucked-up version of myself. The asshole who uses women for sex and keeps them at arm’s length before they can get close enough to hurt him.

Even if Angel practically threw herself at me, she still didn’t deserve the way I handled things afterward. But once I get into that headspace, I can’t seem to pull myself back out of it.

I fuck women hard because the only woman I’ve ever wanted to make love to is the one woman who walked back into my life last night and looked at me like I was the biggest mistake she ever made.

No wonder I’m so fucked up when it comes to relationships.