Page 539 of Lessons in Cruelty

That sound feels like the first few splashes of rain in a desert. The promise of new growth, life, a fucking future.

I push out my ass, snuggling my shoulders against Kai’s chest. He slides an arm under my head, using the other to mold my hip against his.

He must have gotten up to go to the bathroom and spotted me then, because his breath smells like mouthwash, and the stubble under his bottom lip is a little damp as he kisses his way down the side of my neck.

“Remember when we made up stories about going to live at the beach?” I whisper, eyes fluttering closed when he gently scrapes his teeth over the back of my neck, sending a wave of goosebumps chasing down my spine.

“’Course. Remember the RV we said we’d buy?”

I hold up a finger. “Steal.”

“Klepto.” He chuckles again, grabbing my hand, dragging it down between us, forcing me to touch myself.

“We were just dumb kids,” I murmur, letting Kai manipulate my hand so I’m massaging gentle circles over my clit.

“Never dumb. Just naive little shits.” He grinds against my ass, his cock so hard it feels like a flashlight. “We should do it.”

I scoff. “Steal an RV?”

“Go to the beach.”

“Like a vacation?”

I reach behind me with my free hand, burrowing between us for his dick, gripping it tight enough to feel his blood pulsing through the shaft.

His lips touch the edge of my jaw, the side of my mouth.

“I mean, like forever,” he murmurs.

“Please,” I say through a dry chuckle. “Like you’d give up your posh life to slum it in a van.”

His body tenses against mine. A heartbeat, no longer. Then he relaxes and makes a sound that could have been a chuckle, if it weren’t so resigned. “Yeah. Who’d want to give this up?”

I desperately want to tell him I was here when he had his breakdown last night. Because then I could ask him what’s wrong and we could hash it out.

But I know Kai.

First, he’d be embarrassed. Then he’d get angry. Best-case scenario, he’ll throw me out. Worst case…he won’t talk to me until he’s forgiven me.

That took three years last time.

I can’t risk losing him again. Not after I’ve seen the cracks in him.

Deep, bleeding cracks that look so much like mine.

I need Kai.

And I think he needs me too. It feels like it, the way he’s holding me, molding against my back, ready to claim me again.

But honestly, I don’t give a fuck if he doesn’t.

I’m selfish enough that I don’t care one way or the other.

I need him.

Not just his warm body. Or his big hands on mine. The hard cock nudging the back of my thigh.

I need the boy who so quickly became my first and only friend. My best friend. And I desperately need the man that boy turned into.