Page 109 of Before We Break

Noah slips his beanie into his back pocket and picks up the bag of gifts Auggie left behind. “I should go.”

A lump lodges itself in my throat, and I silently will him to stay at the same time bracing for the inevitability when that fails.

A tear tracks down my cheek. I can’t move. Can’t speak. Couldn’t do either even if I tried. Noah steps closer, cradling my face in his palm. Does he know he’s holding my heart too?

His thumb ghosts over my cheek, wiping away the evidence of my pain. “Need you to do something for me, princess. Need you to find someone who loves you in a way I never could. Someone who sees you for who you are and doesn’t settle. Someone better—someone… stronger.”

I want to scream at him. I want to beat on his chest and tell him he’s better and stronger than any man I’ve ever known, but I know it wouldn’t change anything. He has it in his head that he’s incapable of love, and I don’t have the capacity to prove him wrong because I have it in mine that I’m incapable of being loved. We’re two sides of a tarnished penny, and no matter what side it lands on, we both lose.

I curl my hand around his and press it to my lips, pinching my eyes shut as my heart splinters. “Goodbye, Noah.”

I let his hand drop and take two slow steps back. As his fist closes around the doorknob, he glances back over his shoulder like he wants to say something.

Tell me this isn’t over.

Ask me to stay.

Say anything.

He doesn’t, and in a heartbeat, he’s gone.

THIRTY-ONE

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD

♫ Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

NOAH

I step into my apartment, pressing my head against the back of the door as I struggle to breathe beneath the weight of our goodbye.

I should’ve kissed her one last time, but I knew the moment I did, I’d lose my will to walk away.

“What are you doing here, Noah?” Lexi’s tone seems almost disappointed.

Me too, kid.

What am I doing here?

My heart pounds in my ears, drowning out all rational thought. I don’t know how long I stand there.

Seconds.

Maybe minutes.

Too goddamn long.

“Fuck it.”

CLIO

The apartment door crashes open. Through my tears, I can barely make out the shape of Noah striding into the room. He barrels past me, reaching beneath my coffee table. I hear a harsh ripping sound, and then he’s standing in front of me, holding up a piece of strawberry-printed paper with two signatures on the bottom.

He tears it down the middle. “Fuck the contract.”

He tears it again. “Fuck the rules.”

Once more before he tosses the pieces in the air, letting them rain down around us. “Fuck all of it. I need you, Clio. Not for the night. Not for three months. I need you more than I need air. I can’t fucking breathe without you.”