Page 108 of Before We Break

The fabric smells like her, making it a little easier to bear the humiliation. My heart lurches as I realize this is our last day together. It all ends tomorrow.

When I return to Auggie’s room, he’s already dressed in his set, ears on, his eyes wide as he talks a mile a minute. I stand in the doorway and watch them with my heart in my throat, trying desperately to commit this to memory.

“Uncle Noah!” Auggie rushes over to greet me, hopping up and down on his feet. “It’s Christmas! Can we go open presents now?”

I lift him into my arms. “That’s up to Cici, bud. She’s in charge today.”

“Please, Cici.”

“Well, alright then,” she says. “Let’s go. Christmas magic awaits!”

Clio hands me a cup of black coffee in a reindeer mug and takes a seat beside me on the couch. Auggie’s elbow deep in his stocking as she brings a matching mug of steaming liquid to her lips. “What’d I miss?”

“Not much.” Lexi reaches under the tree and pulls out another gift. “Noah. This one’s for you.”

“Me?”

“Mhm.” She hands me a small green gift bag. “It’s from Mom.”

I set my coffee down on the table. “You didn’t have to get me a gift.”

Clio laughs. “Wait until you open it first before you say anything.”

I reach into the bag and pull out a small bundle wrapped in tissue with a ribbon tied around it. Inside is a hand-knit beanie that matches the one Auggie brought home from school last week, mostly grey with horizontal teal stripes, only this one doesn’t have a pompom on the top and it says ‘Uncle Noah’ on the front.

I can’t remember the last time I received a Christmas gift made with this much care—probably before my mom died. I must linger too long.

“Do you like it?” Clio asks, her voice tinged with apprehension.

Despite the voice in my head telling me not to, I pull her into my arms. “I love it, princess.”

Behind her back, I bring the beanie to my nose, the scent of orange blossom flooding my senses. At least I’ll have this to remember her by when it’s all over. I keep thinking of her in the past tense as though she won’t be right across the hall, but that’s not enough. I’ll forever be left thinking about the time when she was… mine.

I summon enough strength to let her go and slip the hat onto my head. “What do you think?”

“Perfect.”

She’s perfect, and I’m a damn fool for thinking I can walk away from this—from her. How can I stay when I have no future to offer?

“Thank you. I have something for you, too.” I walk over to the tree, pick up the envelope I slipped between the branches earlier, and place it into her upturned palm. “It’s not much. Just something for you and Lexi.”

Why am I nervous?

Clio slips her index finger under the fold and pulls out two passes to the romcom festival at the Grove next spring.

“Opening night is all Richard Gere movies. Starting with⁠—”

“Pretty Woman?” She squeals and throws her arms around my neck. “Thank you, Noah. This is perfect.”

Her fingers tangle in the hair at my nape. Our eyes meet and my thoughts quiet. Against my better judgement, I lean in and press my lips to hers. Her eyes drift shut, and I let mine follow, knowing this could very well be the last chance I get to kiss her.

I wonder if she feels it too, this gut-wrenching sense of impending doom that’s been simmering beneath the surface for weeks. It’s like standing in front of an avalanche that’s moving in slow motion; we could run, but it would be useless, so we stand there and wait for it to bury us alive.

If anyone could convince me to run, it would be Clio.

CLIO

This day has been bittersweet from one moment to the next. I’ve done everything I can to black out the heaviness in the air, but there’s no ignoring it anymore. Lexi took Auggie back to Noah’s apartment an hour ago when the sugar crash hit. Noah stayed behind to help me clean up the aftermath of a successful Christmas Day, but now, it’s time for us to part ways. Like Cinderella, at the stroke of midnight this relationship turns back into a pumpkin, but there’s no happily ever after waiting down the road.