Page 20 of Worthy of Sunsets and Second Chances

“I do not need or want a break from my daughter right now, Sarah. I can barely stand to let the three of you play with her and not snatch her back. Probably not healthy, right? But it is like a switch was flipped the minute they said she was really mine.” I rub my hands over my face.

All three of my sisters move in and wrap me in a hug, and I can see tears swimming in their eyes.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be a dick. It’s very nice of you to offer to watch Wren. When I’m ready to have a night out, I will let you know.”

“You are a great dad, Eli. She is so lucky,” Rebecca whispers, wiping away a tear.

Wren starts to fuss, signaling to me that she’s ready for a bottle and her bedtime routine. Sarah scoops her up and offers to change her. Rebecca designates herself to bottle-making duty and Hannah helps me pick up the family room. She puts away baby items while I clear the pizza boxes from our dinner. Just like when the girls came to meet Wren at Mom’s house the first day I took her there, they jump into action and know exactly how to help me. I really am lucky to have them.

Headlights blaze up the driveway next door, a yellow Porsche whipping into the space way too fast. I hear car doors and low voices, which make me freeze in place and listen. It takes everything in me not to rush to the window and get a closer look, spy on every second, every moment that man gets to be in a space he doesn’t deserve.

“His name is Bennett Cross,” Hannah says, coming to stand next to me.

“Who?”

“The guy Kendra is seeing, that’s his name. She has only been out with him a couple times. He’s a doctor, but I can’t remember what kind,” she says, watching me for a reaction.

“Good for her,” I say, trying to give my sister nothing. I know she is fishing, but I don’t want to take the bait, even if it’s killing me not to pepper her with a million questions.

“Here she is! Fresh and grumpy.” Sarah smiles at us as she strolls back into the room with a still fussy Wren. Thankfully Rebecca is steps behind with a nice warm bottle.

“Can I please feed her?” Sarah asks.

“Sure,” I relent, dropping my arms from where I was about to take Wren back.

It was really nice to have all three of my sisters here to play with their niece and spend time with me, but I miss the snuggles and one-on-one time with my daughter. Sharing her is so much harder than I thought it would be. Maybe it’s just me being overprotective? I have never felt this need to be close, to hover, to know I am in control of things like I am with Wren. Apparently the dad switch really has been flipped and there is no going back.

It makes me think of my own piece of shit sperm donor. I look at my daughter and then each of my sisters. If he had felt even an ounce of the love and devotion I feel for Wren toward his own four children and wife, he’d never have been able to up and leave us the way he did. Having a child of my own, something I thought I was not built for, has just scraped back another layer of scum my soul was sourced from. Like a snake shedding a skin it no longer fits into.

I hate that I have any ties to him.

My name.

My blood.

My history.

My promise to my little girl is to not let that history repeat itself through me.

17

Kendra

My date with Bennett ended with him trying to come inside and me saying no. He left unhappy, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bad about it. This is how my dating life always goes. I would meet a nice guy, we would go on a few dates, and when they would understandably want to move things forward, spend more time together, I would slam on the brakes, hard.

He wasn’t pushing for sex, didn’t say that was what was going to happen, but I could tell that if I had let Bennett Cross into my cabin last night he wouldn’t have wanted to just sit on the couch and chitchat. We had been on a few dates, but I had yet to allow him to even get close enough to kiss me other than on the cheek in greeting. I could see his patience wearing thin, even though in the beginning he assured me that we could take things as slowly as I needed.

They all say that.

Honestly, I would have just ended things with Bennett had I not already asked him to be my date for Lainey and Rem’s wedding in a few weeks. Desperation made me take him as my plus-one. I did not want to show up alone, especially knowing that Eli was sure to bring his flavor of the week along with him.

A text pings on my phone, drawing me from my disgruntled thoughts of Eli that would inevitably spin me up in a million different ways.

Lainey: Hey! Are you all set for the party tonight? Do you need any help?

Kendra: Girl! You are NOT helping in any way for your own damn bachelorette party. Sutton, Jess, and I have it all covered.

Lainey: If you’re sure . . .