Page 69 of Drive Me Crazy

"For whom, you?" Her faced is marred with hurt, and I don't blame her. "Tell me why? Go ahead... get on with it!"

"I waited, watching you hurry down the path from the barn to your house. Doubt was already eating away at me. I felt like I was holding you here when there was so much more for you. Your life was just starting, and I had nothing to offer you."

"Don't you understand? I thought Rumor was your daughter! This town and their damn wagging tongues had me convinced you were with Mackenzie and I meant nothing to you." She falls back into the couch, wincing as she grabs her side.

I rush over. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" She pulls away from me, sinking back. "I knew something was off with you, it never dawned on me Weston would come to you first."

I hang my head in shame, praying this to be over. "He never got to me! I got to me! I had promised Mack I'd stay with her, never giving us a chance. I knew I had to let you go, it was only fair."

"Fair? What the fuck does any of this have to do with being fair? You know, I spent years trying to learn to live without you, but I never did. I never stopped loving you."

I lay my hand on the seat between us, the distance feeling so far, and yet we're mere inches apart. "And I've never loved anyone but you, Harper. I'll love you forever, I already have."

"Why haven't you ever told me?" Her head snaps up. Her face is wet, making her hair stick to it. My heart breaks a little more, knowing I'm the one making her cry now.

"What am I supposed to say? Weston. Me. Life." I drop my head. "He had watched us that night. When he came around the corner of the barn, I wasn't sure what was going on at first, but he was quick to answer questions I had."

"Did he watch us? What we did and said, did he know everything?" Her eyes narrow, putting the puzzle pieces together as I divulge each one.

I nod. "Yeah, Harper. He watched us make love and heard everything we shared that night. Weston knew what you meant to me, even before I could tell you."

"He never said a word to me." Her hands tremble as she wraps her arms around her.

I rub my chin, trying to find my next words. "He had plenty to say to me. He told me you were dating him, and he would give you so much more than I ever could. I called him a liar, but later when I came to your house, there he was, holding your hand. He stood there claiming what was mine. I never dreamed I could get angrier than I was then."

"I didn't invite him, Ridge." She wipes her face with the back of her hand. "To be honest, that wasn't even the first sign of who he was, even as clear as it was that day. If I had listened to my gut instinct, I never would've gotten in his car."

"The look on his face when you jerked your hand from his, told me everything I needed to know. So, I confronted him. While he was packing your bags in the car, I went to tell him he'd have to go through me to get to you." I stand, walking across the room as I fight to breathe. "I told him I didn't give a shit what he could give you, he'd never love you the way I do.

"He got in my face, I thought for sure we were gonna to be rolling around on your parents' front lawn at that point. But he was cold, his eyes were almost black and in a callus voice, he told me he'd see you dead before anyone else would ever have you."

Harper shoots up, her mouth hanging. "He said, what?"

"I believed him, Harper." I shudder, thinking of the evil I allowed her to leave with that day. "I thought, if I left you alone, you'd be safe. I played it off as jealousy until I helplessly watched as he proved it."

Her body quakes as realization hits her like a hurricane, wreaking havoc on the both of us. "The car accident."

"I stood there as you drove away with him and straight into the path of a car." I fall to my knees, as pictures of that day plays out in front of me like a movie. Surreal and deafening me with every beat of my heart. "I've relived it every day since it happened."

Harper kneels in front of me. "It wasn't your fault, Ridge. You weren't driving the car; you didn't get in it with him. It wasn't even my fault Weston was sick and twisted until the day he died."

"But if I had taken the time to tell you what you meant to me, to say I love you, you would've had every reason to stay!" I beat my fist on my chest, trying to finish my decimated heart. "I could've stopped him if I had only said something. To someone. To you!"

"You did not understand what he was capable of, you couldn't have known. Why can't you understand, no one knew him better than me and I still made up excuses for him?" She shakes her head, mirroring her body.

"I knew, Harper. And I let you go with him." I bury my face into my hands, watching it play out once again as I tell her what I'm seeing. "Once he shut the door to his car, you turned to look at me and all I did was shove my hands into my pockets. You dropped your head with a quick nod, and he pulled away. I couldn't take my eyes off you as you drove away, knowing I'd never get to hold you again the way I did the night before gutted me."

She moves closer to me. "You couldn't have known, Ridge. Weston didn't even act as if he had spoken to you, and all of those years never telling me he saw us together."

"But I did. I stood there, doing nothing, as he paused at the sign and released the brake. The car rolled out into traffic, like it was slow motion. Your hand lay on the window, as if you were reaching for me. Begging me to help you, to stop what was happening.

"I couldn't move. My feet were rooted to the ground, heavy and unmoving, like they were in cement. Finally, I willed myself to run to you. I pulled you from the crash, pleading with you to hold on. Praying that God wouldn't make you pay for my mistake.

"I swore to you right then, I would never put you in that kind of danger again." I hit my forehead, jarring every memory of her loose. "And then I did it again. I allowed him close enough to you to hurt you and I can't ever forgive myself for that, Harper."

"What are you saying?" She falls backward, her face twisted in torment. "After all this time and everything we've both went through to get to this place together, you think you don't deserve me. Why?"

I beat my chest as my heart thunders inside. "I didn't protect you! Again! I let him get to you and hurt you to the point I could've lost you again. At what point do we see the world is trying to tell us something!"

"Don't you dare! You have no right to make this choice for us... or me! I can't take it, Ridge! I swear to you, I'll not survive it this time. You don't get to walk away."

I gaze into her tear-stained face, begging the universe for this to all be over. I can't fix what I've done, and I can't hold her the way I want to. I know in my heart; I've let her down again.

"I'm no good for you, Harper. You deserve better, and I've never been good enough for you. I've brought you nothing but hurt and heartache. All the houses in the world won't keep you safe, and my love isn't enough to make any of this right."

I stand, staggering toward the door. Her cries echo around me, taunting me to stay. She begs me to wait, but I know if I do, we'll continue to make the same mistakes.

I love her enough to let her go.