Page 68 of Drive Me Crazy

The path behind my houseis well worn, not because I've used it lately, but we have often used it. For years, Harper and I would meet up and sneak off to the old barn.

The further down it I go, the more my lungs burn. I know I'm fighting a losing battle; Harper's always beat out over my best of my intentions.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I come to a slow stop, resting my hands on my knees, dragging in air as deep as I can.

I've always been a runner, but I've never run from a damn thing in my life. That is, until now. Standing, I lace my fingers behind my head, and turn to stare back down the way I just came from.

"Fuck!" I sling my arms in the air, punching at nothing. "It's time, I have to tell her. But damn, the way she was looking at me this morning."

Lying on the couch wasn't where I wanted to be after finding her last night. I tossed and turned until I wore the sheet off the bed down the hall from her, so I put more distance between us.

Going downstairs was supposed to help, but her scent followed me. It wafts through the air, enticing me. She's like a magnet, pulling me to her from the minute I laid eyes on her.

"Hair falling in every direction around her face, her eyes gazing into mine and the look on her face... begging me to kiss her. Damn if I didn't want to." I hang my head, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Ya gotta tell her whether or not you lose her. She deserves to know everything for once in her life." I straighten my back, fear in the form of pain ripping through my heart.

My feet refuse to move as fast as they did to get away from her a few minutes ago. I'm moving at a snail's pace as I trudge toward my home.

When it comes into view, my palms sweat. The last time I was this nervous to talk to her was the last day we spoke before the accident. The smell of her strawberry shampoo still haunts me.

My eyes cut to the tree where she waited in the swing, we had hung there years before. Her hair twisted and knotted in the wind as she swayed back and forth.

A lightness builds in the middle of my chest, spreading slowly throughout my body with a tingle. Each step closer to her, I feel light and hopeful.

I hurry through the gate, jogging over to the door. The anticipation ramps my every emotion into high gear. All I want to do is hold her, and to never let her go.

As I turn the corner, I see her sitting in my living room. My heart pounds against my chest, I know this is it, and so does it. She may hate me forever or love me no matter what I've done.

"Harper." When her eyes meet mine, my throat begins to close, and I struggle to speak. "I-I need to tell you something. It may change everything, but I can't live another minute without you knowing."

Her brow furrows as she places her hand at the base of her neck. "Alright."

"I made a mistake." I run my hand through my hair, praying I don't pull it out. "That d-day you left with him, it's my fault."

She scoots to the edge of the couch, gripping the cushion. "What's your fault, Ridge?"

"He told me he'd kill you," my mouth dries, making each word sound clipped and angry. "I could've stopped him. I never should've let you go that day."

Harper stands, rushing over to me as I tremble from her closeness. She searches my eyes, looking for everything I can't say but need to. "I don't understand. Can you tell me more?"

"I'm the reason you left with Weston." My shoulders slump as the weight of all my guilt collapses on me. "He found us, earlier that day, in the barn."

She gasps, covering her mouth as tears brim her eyes. "No! Oh, God. It all makes sense now."

"Yeah, I'm the reason you came so close to losing your life that day. He told me, if he couldn't have you, then no one would. I let you get in his goddamned car and drive away, knowing he threatened your life." I pound my fist against my chest. I'm not sure if it's out of anger or trying to restart my heart.

"Ridge," I step back when Harper reaches for me. "you're not responsible for Weston's actions."

"But I am, Harper." My chest constricts. "I laid there, with you in my arms as the sun started to rise and knew what you meant to me. I let every chance I had to tell you, slip through my fingers. I should've told you before you left, that I was in love with you."

"Don't you see!" The tears in her eyes, now flow down her face. "I was so jealous of Mackenzie; I couldn't see past her to understand what you were telling me that night. I thought you were saying goodbye to me, and I refused to listen."

"I was." With those words, the air is sucked from the room and my lungs feel as if they’ve collapsed. I'm dying and by the look on Harper's face, she is too.

She clutches her shirt, struggling to breathe. "O-o-oh. Okay. Alright."

"Harper," I reach for her as she stumbles away from me. Her head shakes with each step and every tear that falls. "I thought I was doing what was best."