Page 66 of Drive Me Crazy

I want Ridge. I need him here with me and I'm lost without him. I should've told him how much I missed his warmth. It always provided me with a feeling of being safe.

Years of abuse by Weston forced me to learn how to hide it from everyone, including how to have a breakdown without making a sound. I've shattered into a million pieces countless times, and no one would ever know.

But this time, it's different.

This time, I don't have to do it quietly and oddly I find the silence deafening. Until the moment I open this wound and bleed it dry. I allow it time to seep, expelling every infected part of me that even resembles Weston or our life together.

"I survived you!" I slap my hand on the floor, screaming as the words reverberate through the house, echoing from room to room and bouncing off every surface. My ears ring with my own words, sinking in that I am finally free of his reign.

Every inch of my body quakes, and for once, it's not from fear but the fact I'm no longer shackled to him or the life I once lived. It's almost unfathomable to think Weston brought me to this point.

"How in the hell did I get it so wrong? I've wanted to come back for the longest time. In my darkest of days, when my hopes and dreams came to mind, my favorites were of you."

I sit here, in the middle of my private hell, releasing it all. My hurt. Anger. The life I lost, and the one promised. I rip apart the tattered pieces of my soul, ridding myself of his visceral branding of me.

I let go of everything Weston bore into me, wearing me down until I thought no more of myself than which he felt. The berating of my being and esteem, obliterating any good or kind thing about me.

The abscess better known as my heart, pulsates as I release it from his grasp, letting the bile pour out of me like the festering rot he made with every word and thump of his hand.

In this place, the one of my dreams and the only love I have ever known, I find my peace. The resolve I've fought to maintain that one day, my life would be mine again. I find... me.

"I don't blame you for walking away, I couldn't even if I wanted to. I gave up on us, my jealousy and fear made it feel impossible to have you." I sob, telling him everything I've wanted to say but didn't know how. "If you ever give me the chance to love you again, I'll do it with all of my heart."

As I uncover each scar and bruise, my tears fall like cleansing rain. I sit here, in the middle of the home Ridge built for us, without him, and I promise myself, that'll never happen again.

"I'm not sure how or when, but we will find our way again." My lungs burn as a howl breaks free, ripping me apart as my chest tightens from the pain.

It's then I open my last wound. Revealing my deepest and darkest secret into the loving arms of my future and pray the damage isn't as bad as the storm.

My words are inaudible even to me, nothing more than mere trepidation laced with doubt and dismay. My stomach lurches, knowing in my gut when the time comes, I could lose everything I've ever wanted.

All over again.

Day turns into night and I fade away with the light, spent and exhausted from purging my battered soul. I feel myself falling deeper, sleep taking me and giving me shelter from my own thoughts.

* * *

Light creeps in,rousing me from the deepest sleep I believe I've ever gotten. My body snaps and pops, working itself free from the tension it's been harboring for years.

"Do I have to wake up?" I groan, rolling my lids back to take in the fresh day. As my lashes flutter against my cheek, I'm enraptured with a heavenly scent.

It's clean and woodsy, with a hint of sweet. I think I love it more than any other thing on earth. I fist the material, pressing it to my nose and inhaling, hoping to never forget it.

"This must be heaven." I breathe in, allowing it to fill me as it encases everything around. As I exhale, my shoulders fall helping my body to roll into a stretch from head to toe. I'm as relaxed as a sloth.

"Wait." My eyes snap open and I sit straight up. "Oh, shit!" I scramble from the bed, searching for my clothes as I rush from the room.

"How in the hell I did I get up here?" I spin in a circle when it dawns on me, I'm in Ridge's bedroom. I fist my hair, dropping my head to walk back into through the doorway.

"Ughhhh! Where are my pants?" I flail my arms as I take notice, I only have panties and his tee shirt on. I drag myself into his closet, taking out a pair of his sweats and yank them on.

I turn around, squinting at the clock. "Fuck! It's noon! Mom's gonna freak out when she finds out I'm not home."

When I rush toward the door, I stop long enough to check for my cell. "Must've left it downstairs."

Whirling back around, I hurry down to check for it before running home. I hit the bottom floor at a dead heat, only to be brought up short.

My heart thrums to life, beating wildly against my chest as I take in the sight before me, Ridge is sleeping on the couch. His shirt rides up his abs, directing my eyes to the swath of hair at the rim of his shorts.