Page 137 of Rumor Has It

I step from the shower, drying off enough to get my teeth brushed. Dad called, he’s dropping Rumor off today. I have to face her at some point. I slip on sweats and a t-shirt, pretending to be normal.

He blows the horn, waving from the truck when I open the door. He told me he couldn’t see me this way; it’s like when mom died, and he can’t handle it. I get that, it’s cool.

Rumor plods up the steps, never looking at me. She takes her shoes off and marches to her bedroom. She doesn’t look back, and I’m okay with that. I deserve it.

I get started cooking dinner when I hear her scream. It sounds like bombs are going off in her bedroom. I run toward her, stumbling and falling as I do. I pick myself up and hurry to her.

She’s standing in the middle of her room, and it does look as though a bomb went off. “Rumor! What are you doing?”

“Making a mess of things.” She shrugs.

I step back, staring at her. “Well, clean it up.”

“I can’t. I don’t know how.” She frowns, crossing her arms.

“Rumor McKenna Baker, clean up this room right now.”

She shakes her head, her lip puckering as she does. “My name is Rumor McKenna Hatcher!”

My breath hitches, and I clutch my shirt. “Rumor, I know you miss him, I do too. I failed you and him. I’ve messed everything up so much, I don’t know how to fix it or me.”

“But he’s my dad. He always has been, Momma.” Her tears fall in earnest, breaking what’s left of my heart.

I reach for her, and she moves away. “We don’t know if he’s your dad or not, Rumor, and that’s my fault. I should’ve had him take the test, at least we’d know that much.”

“I don’t need a stupid test.” She lays her hand over her heart. “I know it here, Momma.” She wanders over to me, taking my hand and placing it over my heart. “See, we can feel him.”

I fall to my knees, pulling her into my arms. “How can I put you through something like this again? Didn’t Reed put us through enough? I’m supposed to protect you, Rumor. Not keep hurting you like I have.”

“He’s my dad.” She gazes up at me, telling me everything in her heart. “He loves us, always.”

“What about finding out who your dad is?” I search her eyes in hope she understands this is final.

She smiles sweetly. “We did.”

“How in the world did you become so amazing?” I kiss the top of her head.

She shrugs. “I’m you.”

“No, you’re better than me.” I rub her back, thinking I’m comforting her. She nudges my chin, and I look at her.

“You’re everything to me, Mom. You’ve been my mom, dad, doctor, nurse, playmate, and even my best friend. You’re the best thing to happen to me.” She presses her lips to mine.

“How did you ever get to be so smart?” I run my hand over her hair, smoothing it.

“It’s what Dad said one day when we were out. He was telling me he wanted to do something to make you smile. I asked why, and he told me that.” She grins.

“Is that all he told you?” I frown with the pain of thinking of him.

She shakes her head. “He said he’s always loved you.”

I hold her for the longest time, wishing away all the times I’ve let her down. After, I help her pick up her room, even though she didn’t deserve the help. I walk into my bedroom, closing the door.

“I just need a minute, then I’ll be right out,” I tell her as I slide down to the floor. Fisting my hair, I open my mouth and scream without sound. By the time I’m empty, I lay over on the cool floor.

My face is hot to the touch, and the hardwood offers it the relief it needs. I close my eyes, pulling Boone’s face from my memory as I’ve done for years.

He’s told me forever how strong I am, and I believe that now. I didn’t think I’d survive losing him the first time, but I’ve done it twice now. There’s such a pain so deep within me, I can’t breathe most of the time.