Page 136 of Rumor Has It

Chapter 29

Mackenzie

I watch as another day dawns, reminding me I still don’t have Boone. That I’ve been the world’s worst mother to my child. I’ve never cared what anyone else thought of me, except for those two people.

I’ve never been one to believe what anyone said about me. I knew my truths. I lived with my shortcomings and never blamed a soul for my own mistakes. But to be faced with the fact I couldn’t see past them is more than I can bear.

A sound through the house startles me. I hold my breath, listening for the noise again. I sit up, wondering if my dad has brought Rumor home. I look toward the door expectantly.

“She’s in here!” Maisyn shouts. I fall back to the bed, covering my head. “Dear sweet baby Jesus, she stinks like a pole cat.”

“I do not!” I scream. “Leave me alone!”

My blankets are ripped off me so fast I can’t snatch them. “Get up.”

“Oh, look. My ex-best friend with my cousin.” I stare at Ridge. He lowers his head, avoiding looking at me. “Why didn’t you tell me you two had talked for years? That you knew who was buying all those things for Rumor?”

“Not fair, and not at all true,” he grumbles. “We haven’t talked for years, just ten. He also swore me to secrecy, what was I supposed to do? He loves you, Mack!”

I flop back onto the bed, preferring to wallow in my self-imposed misery. “Go away, please. I really don’t want to face anyone.”

“Why?” Maisyn sits beside me, spraying air freshener. “We’ve all drove our greatest loves away because we fall short and would prefer to die hateful and lonely.”

I glare at her. “Seriously?”

“No, but it seemed like you needed to hear that, so there ya go.” She sprays my ass, smiling.

I grab the can, jerking it from her hand. “Stop it!”

“Wow! Yeah, it’s been a week since she’s even had a whore’s bath.” She fans her face, bringing tears to my eyes.

“What do you want from me? Please, I’ll do it if you’ll leave me alone and let me die. They’re better off without me.” I plead with them to let me be. My chest aches, feeling so empty my body turns in on itself.

Ridge kneels at my bedside, coming face to face with me. “I’ve made as many or more mistakes than you, Mackenzie. Does that mean there’s no hope for me?”

“You’re such a good soul, Ridge. You’re nothing like me.” The vitriol that has filled me u, sloshes around in my gut, making me nauseous. I leap from the bed, sprinting to the bathroom. I dry heave from having nothing on my stomach all week.

“This is bullshit. Look what you are doing to yourself and those who love you,” Maisyn murmurs while she holds my hair back, picking out the knots from where I haven’t had a shower.

“Mack, you have to pull outta this. Rumor needs you.” Ridge treads lightly when speaking of her.

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Standing, I reach for the sink when I lose my balance. I stagger through the house, clasping on the couch. Which smells like Boone and Rumor.

“Don’t you see?” I peer up at them as they hover over me. “I don’t deserve either of them. I am not and never will be worthy of them. I’ve made a mess of the love given to me. It was so apparent, everyone could see it but me. I’m not good enough.”

Ridge rolls his eyes and falls back into the chair behind him. Maisyn stands there, shaking her head. “Once again, you think you have the right to make decisions for everyone around you.”

“If it involves me, yes.” I blanche at her tone.

“No, you don’t. The only damn thing you get to decide is if you want them in your life!” Ridge points his finger at me. “You know what? You’re fucking right, you don’t deserve them. You’ve never believed in yourself, even when you’ve been given something the rest of us have been robbed of. So, yeah. Fuck you, Mackenzie!” He stands, storming out the door.

“Ridge!” I scream, reaching for him only to fall into a pile in the floor.

“There ya go, sister.” Maisyn throws her hands in the air. “What is it going to take for you to see how much we all love you? Not in spite of your faults and failures, but because of your willing to love us through ours.”

I watch as both of my best friends walk out on me. I curl up in the middle of my ashes, that was once my life, and cry. No one understands that I’m saving them from me. I can’t put them through anymore.

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