Page 50 of Changing Lanes

It never fails, every time we’re together it ends in ashes. We burn it to the ground, fast. We can’t talk, we’re both so angry about everything. I want to tell her what happened, it would change things. At least, I hope it would.

Torrie drops me off at the office in enough time for me to pick up Andi. We drive home talking about her day at school, she’s the happiest little girl. Mom is waiting at the door when we pull up, open arms for her baby.

“Mom, I’m going to work on the tractor for a bit.” Waving to her, I head over to the barn.

I know one thing is for certain, no matter how many things I was taught or learned myself, no one taught me how to live with a mistake. It’s not like I don’t kick myself every day for what happened between us. I have more scars than I do good sense.

I’m no damn good for her, I need to stay away from her as much as possible. The job will be over before we know it, and she’ll be going home; why try to fix all of this now. The whole damn thing is a train wreck.

I discovered a long time ago, I’ll pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life.

Before I realize it, it’s almost midnight. I climb into bed, exhausted. I can’t stop thinking about what should have been. I remind myself it will never work because of her father. She’s a city girl, and I’m just a country boy. We were a mistake from minute one.

Morning comes too early for me after another night of fighting sleep. Mom and Andi are having breakfast by the time I get downstairs. I drop Andi off at school on my way to the job site, I hope today will be an easy day, my ass is beat. No sooner am I there, then a black SUV comes around the corner. One sees the look on my face and tries to reassure me.

“It’ll be okay. Guess the talk didn’t go well.” He hands me a pair of sunglasses, and I slip them on.

“Do I look this bad?” He nods. “No, it didn’t. We tried but argued before we got home.”

“Was that in the plan?” He kids me.

“Not at all, but it’s what always happens.” Our conversation stops as Torrie walks up.

“The building is coming along,” Torrie says as she joins us.

“When is the last time you were here? It should be done for you in a few more weeks,” One answers her.

“A week or so ago, the days are beginning to blur. But that’s what I like to hear. Although, I will miss being so close to the beach,” Torrie adds.

My face flames as anger spreads through my veins. Her response bothers me more than I’d like to admit. She’s not my business, even if I do love her. I can’t keep her here, and I can’t convince her to stay. Hell, I can’t even get her to talk to me without a war.

I scan the work site, grateful for my sunglasses. If she could see my eyes, she would know how I feel about her declaration of going home to her father. The asshole will regret meddling one day, even if I have to tell him.

“You okay?” One punches me in the side as he passes by.

“Yeah, I’m good. Hey, Torrie.” I nod at her even though she’s looking forward.

“Hi, Brannon. I didn’t mean anything by that, just so you know.” She offers me some solace but the damage is done.

Taking the two steps I need to get to her, I lean in, my body pressed against hers, whispering. “Yes, you did. I’ll tell you this, you got the response you want. It pisses me off you’re gonna leave, and I can’t have you. It makes me damn well angry that you stand this close to me and I can’t take you in my arms. It drives me in-fucking-sane to have you straddling my cock and it not filling you until you scream. Yeah, you got what you wanted, I’m gutted. Wrecked for fucking life because I can’t spend my days at your side and my nights sunk so fucking deep in you, we don’t know where I begin and you end. Damn right, you got it.”

Her lips part, I’m not sure if she’s going to say something or try to breathe. When she leans into me, it takes everything in me not to bend her over right here and fuck the anger outta her. Damn, what the fuck does she want, a pound of flesh?

“I’m sorry, I can’t stop loving you. But I’ll be damned if I don’t tell you every time I see you. I’ll be damned if I don’t let you know how much my soul aches for yours when it’s near. I’ll be damned if when you look in my eyes, you don’t see how much I love you.” I pause to gather my spiraling anger. Leaning closer, I drive my point home.

“I’ll be damned because you refuse to see me. I’ll be damned because you will never give me the opportunity to be forgiven. I’ll be damned because my entire being burns to touch you, hold you, love you. Yes, Torrie. I’ll be damned. Forever.” She leans into me, her chest seizing with her held breath, but I can’t fucking deal with her being this close without claiming her. I do the hardest thing, I walk away. Again.

Climbing in my truck, I tear out of the parking lot. The hotel is going up, as the engineer, I only need to be here if a problem arises. Burning up the road, I head to my favorite place. I work on our farming equipment, it helps take my mind off things. I also feel closer to my dad. I don’t think I could feel any worse than I do already about my life and the mistakes I’ve made.

“What am I supposed to do, Dad? She doesn’t want me, not like I want her. All this time, I’ve carried a fucking torch for her, and she can’t stand being near me.” I wish like hell he was here, but it’s one more thing I can chalk up on my wall of shame.

Just as I think my life couldn’t get any crazier, in walks Ava. “Hey, lover.” She wraps her arms around my neck.

“Hey, Ava.” Returning her hug quickly then I push away. “Please, stop calling me that, I’ve asked a million times over the years.”

“What’s up your ass?” she huffs as she sits in the middle of my work.

“Nothing. I gotta run back into the office in a bit to finish up some things.” Grumbling at her, hoping she’ll take the hint.