Page 103 of You Know You Wanna

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her for the entire audition, so damn proud that it felt like my chest was going to burst. That’s my daughter!

I wanted to scream it from the rooftops so that the whole world knew, but I also wasn’t ready for the whole world to know her yet. Above all else, I just wanted to protect her, to love her, and to be there for her. And I need to make sure to tell her how proud I am right now.

Once again, I wished Birdie had been here to see this. I wasn’t sure it was allowed, but I pulled my phone out of my pocket anyway and recorded the last part of the audition, wanting a video of this for myself but also to send to the woman I loved.

Because I did still love her. I knew it hadn’t been that long since we’d left, but the feeling hadn’t faded at all. If anything, it was stronger than ever—as was the intense ache inside my chest from her being so far away.

Sad or not, Laurene kicked butt at the audition, and once she was done, I glanced at the judges. They seemed suitably impressed, one of them even rising to his feet to give her a standing ovation before he turned to look at me.

“You’ll get a call about our decision in about a week’s time,” he said, inclining his head in a way that made me think she had it in the bag, but I wouldn’t tell her that.

As she descended the stage, she ran right into my arms. When I leaned down to hug her, she whispered in my ear. “How did I do, Daddy? Was I good?”

“So good, baby,” I said. “You brought tears to my eyes, you were so good. I love you, Lulu. No matter what happens, I’m so proud of you and what you did today.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“Let’s go home.” I released her but kept my arm around her shoulders as we walked back to the car. “I’ve got a surprise waiting for you there.”

“A surprise?” She looked up at me. “Is it a pony?”

“What, in the penthouse?” I asked.

She giggled. “Why not? The building has an elevator. He won’t have to take the stairs.”

“Honey, it’s not the stairs I’m worried about.” I paused. “Although if there’s a fire, it’ll have to figure the stairs out quick.”

“Okay,” she said, grinning still. “Not a pony. Some new dancing shoes maybe?”

“It’s just pizza,” I said quickly before she could list a million better surprises than what I had chosen.

“Oh, awesome,” she said. “Pizza sounds amazing right now.”

I groaned. “Well not as amazing as a pony or ballet shoes. But I thought it would be nice. You’ve barely eaten these last couple days.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t want to look bloated for the audition. I was doing Swan Lake, not Swan Cake. But now I’m so hungry I could eat a horse. Or a pony.”

“You’ll have to settle for pepperoni.”

“I was wondering if you were going to keep eating pizza after we left the resort,” she said, an amused smile on her lips before she sighed. “Do you think we can try to call Birdie again?”

“Of course,” I said. “She might be busy though, honey. I’m sure she’ll call us back when she’s done with yoga classes. Do you want to talk about her instead?”

“Okay.” She seemed slightly more upbeat than she had been when she brought up Birdie.

We both felt her absence in our lives. It was a dark cloud over our sunny day.

On our way back to the penthouse, she settled back in her seat and turned her body to face me. “I guess I just miss her so much because she was a friend but she was also someone I looked up to. She’s a grownup, but she listened. She understood. She didn’t judge or talk down to me.”

“She’s a pretty amazing person,” I agreed. “Is that the only thing this is about, though? You miss Birdie and the others?”

“No.” She let out a long, quiet breath. “It just feels like something is missing now, and it’s not the mountains or the fresh air.”

My chest gave an uncomfortable squeeze. She had confirmed my suspicions that she felt Birdie’s absence too. We both had to get our heads on right and we needed to do it soon.

She wasn’t done yet, though. “I thought I’d be happy now that I’m getting to stay and I got to audition, but my heart still hurts and I don’t know why.”

Oh, God. Slay me now. This is fucking killing me. All of it. “You know what, baby? I completely agree. My heart hurts too and there is something missing.”