Page 90 of Fake It For Him

“There’s a goodness in you that is rare in this world,” he said. “You make me want to be good too. You make me want to be better and better every day, and not only for you, but for myself and my family as well.”

My lungs, heart, and pretty much all my internal organs forgot what they were supposed to be doing. The world around us faded away, and suddenly, Calan was all I could see. Tears glistened his eyes now too and his voice was shaky, but it left no doubt in my mind that every word he was saying was true.

“I trust you completely. More even than I trust myself. I’m terrified of anything bad happening to you. Ever. I wake up thinking about you. I think you’ve driven me to the brink of insanity and I don’t know how to find a path back to normal if I lose you.”

He squeezed my hands and closed the last bit of distance between us. He brought our joined hands to his chest to let me feel the pounding of his heart. “I told Finn the truth tonight because I was hoping he’d be able to help me figure out how to talk to you about this. How to make you believe that how I feel about you isn’t about the contract. How it’s not fake to me anymore and hasn’t been for such a long time that I’m not sure it ever was. I should’ve just come right out and told you, but everything felt so much more complicated to me just a couple of hours ago and I thought he might be able to help me uncomplicate it.”

As he said it, hope and fear intermingled in the very center of my being. I stared up at him as snow continued to fall around us. It was heavy with silence except for the sounds of the wedding in the distance.

I swallowed hard. “I’m scared, Calan. I’m in love with you too, but what if all this chemistry we’ve got only exists because of the drama? The lies? The contract? The fighting?”

“There is no way.” He released my hands to stroke my cheeks and wipe away the tears. “I am going to love you until I’m dead, whether you love me back or not. Whether I lose you or not. I’m yours, Ella Carver, and that’s never going to change.”

My heart was racing faster than ever before, so many emotions swirling around inside me that I didn’t know which was the most dominant. The only thing I knew for an absolute was I loved him too, and so that was what I went with.

“I love you, Calan Reid. I’m scared, and I’m excited, and I have no idea what’s going to happen after this or how we’re going to move forward when everything is in tatters, but I do love you.”

His lips spread into a slow, wide grin as he leaned in to kiss me. Kara swooned as I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back with everything I had left to give. As our lips locked, the sky exploded with light, New Year’s Eve fireworks going off across the lake and over the wedding tent.

Once again, the night had taken an entirely unexpected turn, but this time, I knew that regardless of what happened tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that, Calan and I would be facing it together. And right now, that was all I really needed to know.

47

CALAN

I wanted to get her inside where it was warm and have her all to myself for the rest of the night, but as I took her hand and started leading her to the guest house, Ella planted her feet and shook her head at me. “We have to go back to the wedding.”

“Now?” I frowned. “Why? We can work it all out tomorrow. Let them have tonight, baby. Let us have tonight.”

“We have a small window where we might be able to make this right and we have to take it,” she insisted, using her grip on my fingers as leverage to pull me closer to her. Bringing her free hand to my cheek, she touched it gently, her eyes resting firmly on mine. “We cannot let them go to sleep tonight thinking what they do about you, and about us, right now. Freya wanted her wedding to bring peace to your family and it almost did. After we nearly ruined the whole damn thing, we have to at least try to give her what she wants more than anything else.”

Shit. She’s right. As I filled my lungs with the crisp night air, I was about to agree when Mikey finally snapped at her.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re crazy, Ella. I officially don’t recognize you anymore. When you called earlier, I hoped that you’d finally come to your senses, but obviously, this was a giant waste of time.”

Ella tensed, but as I watched, she rallied, her expression smoothing over. She slowly released me and turned to walk up to her friend. Taking his hands, she gave him the smallest, most sincere smile before she released a shuddering breath.

“I love you, Mikey. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had and I’ll never know what I did to deserve your friendship. Thank you for coming all this way for me tonight. Thank you for always being there for me.”

“Why do I feel like you’re about to break up with me when we’re not even in a relationship?” he grumbled but didn’t take a step back or withdraw his hands from hers. “What is it, Ella?”

“You know, just a little while ago I was thinking that you were right. That I should’ve listened to your warnings about him, but the truth is that those warnings might just have been why I’ve had one foot out the door almost since the very beginning.”

He snorted. “Clearly, one foot wasn’t enough to keep you from falling for the asshole.”

“Why are you so opposed to this?” she asked quietly. “You don’t know him and you heard everything he just said. You know how he feels and why everything went sideways, and you also know that his intention has never been to hurt me, so what is it? I know you’re not in love with me yourself and I know you’re not just a vindictive person who doesn’t want his friend to be happy. Tell me what’s going on.”

When Mikey’s shoulders rolled and his eyes narrowed, I moved forward but Kara touched my arm, shaking her head at me. She pulled me back and I sighed but stayed with her. I knew Mikey was important to Ella, and once again, I was impressed with how she was handling the situation, trying to understand instead of just telling him to back the fuck off, but I really didn’t like how he treated her. Like she was too stupid or too fragile to make her own decisions.

He was her friend, not her father or her keeper, yet he was behaving like she was some kind of possession gone rogue. I didn’t understand it at all, but if she’d kept him around this long, there had to be a reason.

Mikey stared back at her for another beat before he deflated visibly. “Seeing what you went through with Spencer almost killed me, Ella. I’m not even just talking about how it all went down in the end. I’m talking about years of watching you pander to him. Of watching you break off little pieces of yourself just so you would fit better with him. I saw you bend over backward for a guy who so obviously wasn’t willing to give an inch for you.”

She blinked a few times rapidly, her tongue coming out to wet her lips. Her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Mikey was clearly on a roll though, not needing her to say anything to tell her all these things he’d been holding on to for so long.

Even Kara was crying now, and I saw that she shared his pain. Stepping up to her side, I put my arm around her shoulders when they started shaking with silent sobs. Frankly, I felt like I might just cry too. It wasn’t something that happened often, but fuck, hearing what he was saying and knowing that he was talking about Ella—my Ella—was really fucking tough.

I’d wanted to track Spencer down before to tear him a new one for hurting her, but now, I was pretty sure I’d simply tear him apart with my bare hands if I ever found him.