Page 89 of Fake It For Him

It wasn’t my place anymore. Never had been. I’d simply let myself forget it for much too long.

He opened his mouth, but I shook my head, inhaling deeply. I walked to the door with my purse in my hand. I’d have to get all my things from him at some point, but I couldn’t let myself make any arrangements right now.

It would’ve been practical, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t make any plans with him. Not even just for that.

Instead, I opened the door and walked out, willing myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Calan was right there behind me, walking me to the car. He didn’t touch me or say a word, but I felt him there, his presence still larger than life even if it felt darker now. I couldn’t explain it, but it was like something inside him had snapped tonight and he had let go of all that hope that had been making him feel lighter these last few weeks.

Snowflakes were still drifting down from above, and I shivered, but at least I had a shawl wrapped around my shoulders now. A shawl I would be returning to his family along with this dress, but just like everything else, that could wait.

Kara’s headlights caught on the snow, making it glitter as she rolled up in front of the guesthouse. To my surprise, she and Mikey were there, and they got out instead of just opening the van’s back door for me to get in.

As she climbed out, she handed over a duffel bag, her gaze sweeping over me before it settled on Calan for a moment. “We’re coming inside for a few minutes.”

He must’ve nodded because she returned it and then came up to me, wrapping me in a hug before ushering me back into the house. “There’s a change of clothes in there. We weren’t sure if you had anything warm enough, so we brought you sweatpants, a hoodie, some boots, and a winter coat. Go put it on. You can’t walk around in an evening dress and the heat in the van is on the fritz.”

Gratefully accepting the clothes, I let her walk me inside and then headed back to the bedroom, changing as fast as I could while I fought more tears. Even after everything that had happened, Mikey was here and Kara had been thoughtful enough to bring warm clothes.

I will never deserve friends like them.

While I dressed, I heard voices filtering down the hall but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. They seemed harsh, though. Calan’s voice was in the mix too, but I’d heard enough from him. I wished we would’ve been able to talk.

Even if only so I could get closure.

I wanted to know so badly why he’d spoken to Finn about us tonight. Why he’d told him the truth when we’d come so close without anything going awry, but perhaps that was the answer. Perhaps he just couldn’t help himself. Perhaps he secretly lived for the drama even when it could only be caused by self-sabotage.

I couldn’t quite bring myself to believe it, but at this point, it was one of the only viable reasons I could come up with for him spilling the beans when we were within spitting distance of the finish line. If only he’d waited a couple of more hours, our relationship would’ve been over anyway.

Sure, I’d thought that maybe it wouldn’t end, but clearly, he hadn’t even been able to wait until the morning. With my throat aching under the strain of constantly having to swallow back tears and agony, I left the bedroom to find Mikey and Kara waiting for me.

“Where’s Calan?” I asked quietly.

Mikey shrugged and took a step forward. “I kicked him out. Ready to go? Is there anything I can carry for you?”

I shook my head no. “It’s just me and my purse.”

He offered me a wry smile. “I guess I could carry you.”

I let out a humorless, teary chuckle. “Thanks, but I think I need to walk out of here on my own two feet.”

Mikey nodded and stepped up on my left while Kara took my right. She wrapped her arm around mine while Mikey planted his hand at the small of my back. “Okay, let’s get going, ladies. It’s a long drive back.”

“Thanks for coming to get me.” I led them back to the front door and then outside again, but to my surprise, Calan was still here, waiting right in front of Kara’s van.

When he saw us emerge, his jaw tightened and he ignored my friends as he strode up to me. “Look, Ella, I’m going to ask you one more time if we can talk. Please? It’ll only take a minute. No bullshit. No excuses. No wedding talk. We need to talk about us, not Freya, or Jim, or my parents, or Faux’s. You said that I’m allergic to taking responsibility, but I’m not. Just let me explain.”

“I’m tired, Calan,” I said weakly, feeling like I was about to fall apart at the seams. “There’s nothing to talk about anyway.”

Mikey’s hand dropped away from my back and I knew he was getting ready to get rid of Calan, probably by shoving him away if he had to, but Calan brushed past him, wrapping his long, strong fingers around my hand and not backing down this time.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Ella,” he said fervently, honesty and determination bleeding into every word. Standing right in front of me, he dipped his head to look right into my eyes and ignored Mikey scowling at him from the side. “I am so incredibly sorry about everything that has led up to this moment, but I know how it feels to live with regret, and I refuse to let you leave without putting all my cards on the table.”

My heart hurt so, so very much to have to do it, but I shook my head. “There are no cards left to be played here, Calan. This was a mistake. Every minute of it from beginning to end.”

Those dark eyes bored into my own. “I’m in love with you. Truly, madly, and deeply, and I have been for weeks.”

Disbelief slammed into me, so real and so unexpected that my knees buckled, but Kara’s arm and Calan’s hands in my mine held me up. “What?” I asked.

He nodded, tightening his grip on me and taking a step closer. Mikey cussed quietly but Kara’s eyes were as wide as mine, her body as rigid. Calan was still staring at me so intently, I didn’t even know if he realized they were still here.